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Monday 18 January 2016

In the absence of photos...

...there is nothing actually stopping me from blogging and just writing about stuff. Winter has arrived, with one white frost and this morning, some flakes of snow, but I don't feel like going outside to take photos. I've done it before; the cold hurts my hands and they are numb enough right now anyway.

Before that we had several days of April showers - I did think of taking some pics but moments later I'd be sheltering from torrential downpours, sometimes hail, and it wasn't the weather to have a camera out with me whilst I worked as the ground was drenched. There's nothing very interesting for the viewer about brambles or ivy, which I've been chopping back. In fact many of my garden sorties have involved looking up and deciding which branches need lopping because they are either shading out other trees, growing into each other or dangling down in our way, particularly over the drive. It's amazing how trees grow! Of course they do as they are plants, just like shrubs need pruning and weeds need weeding, so the amount of work needing doing in winter during the dormant months equals the summer work.

There's the perimeter fence which needs clearing of saplings and ivy; brambles and whippy growth which grow out into the main pathways smack K as he tries to mow, and the ever encroaching ivy jungle which threatens to take over all my trees. The enormous Leylandii hedge desperately needs its once every two years trim (that job is now given over to the professionals and the guy is supposed to come next week as he was too busy in November), the elm saplings need constantly hacking back in the chicken runs, sycamores self seed everywhere and need pulling out or chopping off. And that's all before looking at the veg patch, which has a jungle growing over every inch of soil. The orchard fruit trees haven't been pruned for two years, ditto clearing the stream over there of all the brambles and other vegetation which swamp it. Flower beds and shrubs need a good sorting out and compost added to the soil. All the while I mostly laze around indoors unable to get motivated to do anything about it, not that I have the strength to do half those jobs even if I was raring to go seven days a week. I accept that I currently have a semi broken body which needs a lot more time to heal and cannot keep up with this garden.

So what is the answer? Well there's the obvious, which was our original thought. Sell up and move somewhere with less land, an easier to maintain garden, and in our preferred area near the south coast of Morbihan or Loire Atlantique, near to all the good birding areas. This would also fit in with our PLAN, which would be hard to execute whilst living here (more about that later). But first we'd need to declutter all the accumulated junk, all those 'might come in handy one day' things, plus all the really technologically obsolete things which make up a huge bulk when you move house. Maybe someone might want a load of punk LPs at our village vide grenier in May? I'd give them away to a happy home rather than take them down the tip and chuck them. Ditto paperbacks; I've tons here, far more than fit my shelves as we had a number of plant and book swaps some years back with friends and somehow I seemed to end up with bagsful of 'bodice rippers' which my OH likes to call them, which I don't read (unless I'm really desperate). We're both using Kindles now anyway. And don't get me started on the photo albums! However I think the videos can go in the bin, except for our wedding one!

Then there's the house - a lot of it was never decorated and we've been too busy in the garden here to ever get to it, so upstairs we have a lot of bare plaster walls in the hallways and stairwells, plus one of the bathrooms. I really want to do something about that this year and feel like it's time the house had some attention after all this time.

It just seemed like such a mammoth amount of work we'd need to do this year in order to put the house on the market in spring next year, much worse than just the regular jobs which need doing outside, which at least don't involve tidying up outside to make it look as neat and pretty as possible as well. And it would involve work both inside and out. Not necessarily great when you are wallowing in post chemo depression and can hardly get out of bed.

On top of this I have been looking at houses for sale, and they all suck. Big time. Even the really expensive ones miles out of our price zone. Do you know why? I know one can change them, albeit one is usually constrained by existing walls, windows, doors etc, but why are kitchens so forgotten? Why are they so small in relation to the rest of the house, with so little storage space? I'm not a professional, just a normal person who cooks and bakes, and I have a lot of kitchenware, and it all gets used. Plus the large things which reside in cupboards in the huge bathroom next door. Deep fat fryer, breadmaker, ice cream maker, food processor..... I can tell you where some people kept things like that as it was all too obvious from the cluttered photos. No work space left.

Then there were the dreadful designs, mostly in the newer properties. I'm sure they were designed by people who've never cooked in their lives and know nothing about the cooking triangle. Huge living dining spaces with a tiny corner given over to the kitchen, which is open onto this large room. This seems to be the way all houses built in the last 20 years have been designed, ditto a lot of the old house renovations. I HATE that! It's bad enough being in the living room trying to watch telly when my OH is clattering away in the kitchen next door. If he was doing that in the same room I'd go nuts! And I love having a kitchen which is big enough for a table - we have different living spaces this way, and one can be in the kitchen at the table, listening to the radio, whilst the other watches TV in the living room, which is big enough for a dining table too.

Then there's the Breton style houses where they shove all of upstairs inside the sloping roofspace. Another hate. It may be fine for a four foot high child but a six foot 4" husband? It's so impractical as well as ugly as sin. We're very lucky in this house as we have less of that as all the top floor rooms have dormer windows, and we don't live on that floor anyway. We've fewer problems with that on the middle floor.

I was rather taken with the styles of houses south of the Loire - they have the terracotta canal tile roofs which I find very attractive. Many houses within our price range had swimming pools too - but as K pointed out - a swimming pool would just go the way of the exercise bike. A novelty at first then barely get used.

Whilst all this has been running through my mind these last weeks, I've started to look at my house in a new light. I LIKE this house. It works for us. I don't like the tiled worktops in my kitchen, and I wouldn't have chosen this design of cupboards, but it has storage space galore. I counted the drawer and cupboard knobs and there were over 50! We have a good amount of worktop space too and I use every inch when I'm cooking but like to keep it clutter free in between times. Plus we have more things in the mud room/cellier, mostly relating to freezing and preserving, but we don't need to find room for them in the kitchen. I thought, if only we could transplant this house further south.... because another thing. We've been there and done that round here over the years and after a while it gets boring. Yet go a bit further afield to new exciting places and it makes for a long and tiring day out. Then there's the problem of having poultry if we were to go for an overnight somewhere - we could leave the cats alone overnight but the chickens are the worst tie as they have to be shut inside the shed at night for their own safety. I could try to rehome them but I don't want any of them going in the pot!

And so a decision has been made, we are staying put. We will look into getting some help in the garden and we won't be growing any veg this year. No, not even courgettes (although we might still have some cherry toms in pots up by the house. I don't think I could be so drastic as to not grow a few tomatoes!) so my neighbour may be happy to offload excess courgettes on us. We plan however to get out and about more often, but I am keeping the details of what that's about to myself for the moment until the big PLAN comes into fruition. It's just that if cancer should come back to bite me in the non existent arse, I would like to have made the most of this time doing something a bit different that we will both enjoy, rather than just slogging away at same old same old. Watch this space! In any event, I am now going to try to live for today and not plan too much beyond the next few years. Who knows, any of us could get run over by a bus!!!

I'm also breathing a huge sigh of relief as I don't really want to move. The thought of starting all over again somewhere new is scary. We know everyone here in the hamlet even if we sometimes don't see them for months or even years on end. And we need to be within an hour of a hospital, and an airport which has flights to the UK, which meant Rennes or Nantes anyway. I could wave goodbye to my lake, but would feel sad about leaving my buried pets. I'm now beginning to feel a bit less gloomy too - December was a dreadful month for me and I spent a full three days in bed after the chemo port was taken out. Not due to pain. I can't tell you why. I'd feel teary for no reason, plus people kept dying - not people I knew personally but either friends of friends or family, or virtual friends, which was affecting me greatly. I think there was a bit of survivor guilt in there too.

Back to this place - we can't stay here forever; it never was our intention with a big house and so much land to still be toiling away into old age. But for now Chateau Moorhen will live on with us as its guardians.


I can't post without mentioning the death of an absolute genius in the world of music and art - yes that bloody disease took him too but I am not taking this one to heart. But he will live on through his music, like all the legends. 


28 comments:

  1. seems well thought out and logical to me. And it would be a bad idea to make a rush decision
    hang in there - and keep building your plans :)

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    1. Thaks Red - I agree it might have been a bad decision whilst I was feeling low anyway, but that was me feeling that I was crippled and couldn't cope. Though it was an option that had to be explored!

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  2. Great post and something we often think about - the future. There are solutions and there is a way forward that will take into account health, well-being, energy levels and personal desires. Is there the perfect place with enough cupboard space and room for inconsequential clutter - it seems like you have it there already. Adapt, enjoy and review as required. None of us knows what the future holds and sometimes, what we know, what we are familiar and comfortable with can give us strength and energy, it's all a matter of perspective. x

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    1. Hi Ian and thanks - the built in cupboard space in many rooms was one of the tick points this house had going for it! We do have too much stuff and are going to have a declutter and try to get rid of stuff we never use. I really want a big shelf in a cupboard for all my photography equipment - it's currently in one drawer and spilling out all over the place, with cameras all over the dining table! So with a bit of a revamp, and some decorating this house will suit us even more. Now if only it had wheels.... :-)

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  3. I am glad you have come to some decisions which have obviously taken a load off your mind and I am really pleased you wont have the horrors of a move. I completely understand your thinking, our own ran along similar lines late last year (although thank God we haven't personally had your terrible health problems.) We too have spent 11 years slogging away on our property which we adore, but if we could have picked it up and moved it we would. We also suffer that hour range boredom for days out. That is why we decided to buy our motorhome, which should be arriving when we get back from our month in France and is also the reason I declared this year (my 60th on this planet) my official gap year! We too have decided we want to 'get out there' whilst we still can. Good luck to you both in 2016, may it bring you much joy and renewed jest for life.

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    1. Thanks Ladybug - staying put will save us thousands of euros in removal costs too. More to put towards the PLAN. :-) Thanks for your comment, it is so good to hear of others who are going through the same dilemmas. Enjoy your gap year! xx

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  4. Meaty stuff Mandy. Looking forward to hearing about your big PLAN when it ripens properly. We made what would be a hard decision for you - no pets . . . apart from the fish (which the herons eventually ate anyway). We knew how tying they would be and for us to do the sort of things we wanted, animals were never going to work.

    Drove home overnight from Portsmouth, lit the fire, cleared a couple of inches of snow from the drive and settled into . . . home. :-) Shorts put away till April maybe, but you never can tell . . . maybe just need another wee plan.
    xx

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    1. Hi Nick - I can do heavy occasionally although I prefer to keep this blog to nature/gardening, but life sometimes gets in the way. Pets are always the problem when you want to get away - a fortnight is ok with housesitters (expensive) but longer is a problem. Even if you put your pets in kennels/catteries, they won't be happy. But we would not be happy at home without cats. Therefore compromises have to be made and I think I have solved that..... :-)

      Enjoy real winter now! :-) xx

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  5. Glad you have come to a decision, it can way you down. I have often thought about moving, but I think we will stay put now and put the money into the house.
    I have had sadness in the family too and what with so many famous people passing away it makes you think(also a little down at this time of year).
    Spending some of my savings and having a wood burner put in this week, why wait..
    Both me and my husband want to make the most of our time doing new things this year.

    Look forward to seeing what you get up to over the next few months,like you I need the sunshine and the light, the days are going in the right direction 😁 Take care..
    Amanda xx

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    1. Hi Amanda and thanks for your input. It's amazing how many of us have thought about moving! The thing is I have moved so many times in my life that I am not used to being in a place so long (long enough to get bored of the areas), proper spring cleaning was never necessary because we'd scrub rental properties until they gleamed before we moved in and were never there for more than a few years anayway. So this place is well overdue for some serious cleaning too! I dread to look on top of my kitchen cupboards.... haha!

      Your wood burner sounds lovely and I am sure you will enjoy. We get great pleasure from ours and it is lovely and cosy and warm.

      I've alreaady noticed slightly longer afternoons and hope that the extra light will help all of us! xx

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  6. Moving is a hard life decision! We've thought about moving to be closer to children, but there are so many things to consider...we have 5 pets buried on our acre lot and I totally understand your thinking process. Hope you get stronger each day!

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    1. Hi Juliet. I agree, it's not a decision to be taken lightly and it's expensive to move house anyway, never mind the hard work and stress. Probably not what I need right now! I can understand you staying with all your pets buried there and all their memories. Thank you xx

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  7. Like a load of bricks off your shoulder :-)

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    1. Absolutely! And thanks for commenting on facebook too. xx

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  8. Like you, I am struggling with the depression and am seeing MD on Thursday. I wish I knew of something that would help. Here in the USA it's all about PILLS and if you are like me you're sick to death of them. They say the best medicine is talking about life/issues /problems helps so you are on the right track. Live for today my friend. Enjoy all that you can. Life is way to short. Loving you from Oregon ❤

    Love April

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    1. I'm in awe of you because you did manage to move, and thousands of miles away too! I have thought about asking the doc for pills, but as I have heard they can take quite a while before they start working, I'm hoping that with spring coming in a few months this bastard feeling will have passed by then. Hopefully it is only temporary and a part of the healing process.... I was happy to get my most healthy looking blood test in over a year the other day! Thanks April, I'm sorry you suffer too as well as some horrible physical problems. Hugs from me. x

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  9. Oh I would hate to move again, but then when we were looking to move here we went all through the thoughts like you (more because of friends younger than us not getting the chance of a life they want) we were both in jobs we hated, and decided we would do this but slightly modified so that we would be catered for in old age. So instead of a big place in isolation with wonderful wildlife we plumped for a village house with amenities close by. We do not regret our decision even if sometimes we envy friend's homes...one in particular. And our neigbours are happy to look after all animals except dogs. We will take them up on this soon as we, like you, want to see as much as we can, while we can.
    Great to hear your black mood is lifting.

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    1. Hi D - this is the longest I've ever lived anywhere - I'm quite a nomad! I tend to get itchy feet after about 7 years. :-)

      I think you made a very sensible decision choosing where you live. We weren't ready for that and had come from the 1/3rd acre with neighbours all around and wanted loads of space! But as I said, we knew it couldn't be forever. What's awful really is that we are the lucky ones who do have a choice. You see these old folks here toiling away and they don't have that choice, until they end up in either the grave or the old folks home. Though I expect some would choose to continue that tough life rather than some modern bungalow with little land and no livestock!

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  10. I'm sorry you have had a difficult emotional time since the chemo stopped - life is difficult and death of friends is so sad. It seems to be the right decision for you both not to move. I know how much you love Chateau Moorhen and as we get older we all need to have a bit of help with things. I know I couldn't manage without my Workaways and the support they give me particular last year. I hope that you grow more and more positive as the Spring comes nearer. xx

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    1. Thanks Sandra. Depression was one thing I was not expecting!! It's not nice but hopefully it will run its course and then I can get on with my life. I'm feeling a bit better by opening up and with the comments here and the masses of them on fb it's cheered me up quite a lot!

      I'm glad we are staying because we do love it here, it's just all the work which can get overwhelming. I had a good look at Workaway but they'd have to live in the house with us and I felt I'd be spending all my time cooking, so decided against it. Will try to find someone who can come occasionally to help with some of the work, particularly in winter. xx

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  11. Pleased you've made your decision Mandy. You have been through such a difficult time and I really do hope you feel a lot better physically and emotionally over the coming months.

    We still talk about moving hence the constant decluttering and redecorating. I wish too we could just move our house and garden to a different location - it will be a wrench to move as we have lived here all our married life. Not easy either when both my son and daughter still live here and you worry that if you move to a completely different region they may find it hard to find new jobs if they move with you. Not to mention that both our mothers are in a nursing home suffering with advanced dementia. Life changing decisions are so difficult at times but as you love Chateau Moorhen so much you have made the right one.

    I do hope you feel much better as Spring approaches and I look forward to hearing more about your plans. Take care xx

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    1. Hi RR and thanks so much. It's a tough one, isn't it? Harder for you with both generations to think of, but one day you will be free to make the decision just for you two. Maybe better to wait a while?

      We're definitely going to do some decluttering though and some decorating too. I did tons of painting at our previous house (plus we put in 2 new bathrooms and kitchen) so when we moved here as there was nothing that was hideous (it was mostly liveable with) we lived with it, as we were so redecorated out! I did do our bedroom and K put laminate floor over the horrible carpet, but we've done little else. The garden really has taken up so much time, particularly with all the fruit and veg and preserving! So a full break from that this year is on the cards and more 'us' time. :-) xx

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  12. I'm glad you've decided to stay put Mandy, you have a beautiful home and garden. The stress of moving would be too much for you both, I know having done it last year. Having 2 close family bereavements, a health scare and retiring from work was too much within a 15 month period. We both survived and love living here in Devon but there were times when it was all too much!

    Hopefully, as the weather improves you will start to feel better and you've got that trip to the UK to look forward to.

    Philippa xx

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    1. Hi Philippa. It would have been tough, I agree! I'm sorry about your bereavements - I can sympathise having been through the same thing last year. I'm feeling a bit brighter now and also feeling a bit of a physical improvement so that helps too. I have plenty to look forward to so I need to keep reminding myself of that when I'm feeling low! Many thanks xx

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  13. I think you've made the right decision Mandy, as I think you need time to recover properly without the added stress and upheaval of moving. I do hope you feel better soon.xx

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    1. Hi Deb, thank you. I'm feeling a bit brighter since my post and hope the depression is on the way out. It's warming up again now so I am hoping to get more done in the garden next week. :-) xx

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  14. So, the Pointe du Grouin will still be your go to place to visit.

    I even spent quite a bit of time looking into flights to Biarritz and Toulouse, Nantes as well
    U Know who this is.

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    1. Ha! I looked at La Rochelle and Bordeaux - surprised that Bordeaux had so few flights to UK - course I was looking at flights to Southampton or Exeter and not London. Nantes is the best airport for SW England. I hope we'll have some other places to visit as I'm so bored of the Pointe du Grouin! :-)

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