I'm going under the knife again, voluntarily this time!

I haven’t done a health update in ages, but I’ve had a problem for over 2.5 years. I developed a hernia behind my buttocks which is known as a Perineal Hernia. It could have been fat or guts pushing through. I saw my original surgeon over 2 years ago, but he was very loathe to do anything about it. Back then, the lump was less obvious than it is now, and as luck would have it, every time I saw a doctor it would mostly hide back inside me, so the hardness I could feel was less apparent! I don’t think my original surgeon did laparoscopic (keyhole) surgery as he talked about my original bum scar taking ages to heal, as the skin was more fragile there due to having had radiotherapy. However I’d spoken with a couple of ladies in the USA on Facebook, who had had theirs repaired successfully by laparoscopy. He suggested I did pelvic floor exercises, and we left it like that.

I only did the exercises half heartedly due to my depression, and I couldn’t see how that was going to help where my bulge was. By the way, if you google perineal hernia, you will find there isn’t very much about it, except for medical reports. Look at images though, and they are nearly all of dogs!! Apparently it’s quite common in dogs, but not so in humans. I read that it is a rare complication of the surgery I had. Parastomal hernias, however, are extremely common - these are openings in the abdominal wall where the intestine pushes through. Like many hernias, they are caused by lifting heavy weights or straining, or coughing/sneezing, and after having your abdominal muscles cut through due to surgery, and having a stoma which weakens the muscles on that side of the waist, they are quite easy to get. I was extremely sensible, wearing my corset for the first month as directed, and whilst gardening afterwards too. I also bought some lighter weight hernia belts which were more comfortable and suitable for summer, and wore them when walking up or down hill. So I managed to avoid one of those hernias ....... but what bloody bad luck to get the other kind!

I’ve had to go back to taking my foam donut cushion with me everywhere I go and using it all the time in the house and car. Now that’s a pain in the bum as it is! Anyway, soon as we decided we were definitely moving, we knew there was a new opportunity to find a surgeon who could repair my hernia via keyhole. I absolutely did not want my butt crack cutting open again. It took 14 months before I could start to go out without my donut originally (I’m only on my second one, they are amazing at keeping their shape) and I don’t want another year or so of that again.

So, we arrived at our new house and after a few weeks started searching for a doctor. There isn’t one in the village, and it seemed all the other doctors in neighbouring villages and towns were not taking on any more patients. Never came across that before! Luckily one of these doctor’s surgeries suggested a doctor who had just moved to the area (20 mins drive away) and she was able to take us on. I had to see a doctor first before finding a gastroenterologist to take on my post cancer check ups, and needed a prescription/introductory letter. Then, I would be able to quiz this specialist about potential surgeons.

However, by the time I got to see the gastro, it was the day before lockdown! How lucky was that?! She gave me the names of the two surgeons in the hospital (at Carcassonne) who do abdominal type of surgery. But of course, making an appointment was delayed by the lockdown and then not wanting to go near a hospital for a while after that.

Can't post without a photo - me at Ile Sainte Lucie recently

So, nearly 10 months after moving, I had my appointment with a surgeon! He seemed very nice and clued up, and ordered an MRI scan, where I would bear down at one point to see what happened. I only had to wait a few weeks for the scan which I had on Friday, with the results emailed to me the same day. Oh joy, it seems my insides are a mess. I have a slight bladder prolapse, pushing against the vaginal wall, but upon bearing down, my bladder moved right down and you could see intestines moving down below my uterus (in a side on view). Apparently it’s the intestines moving that have caused the secondary problems: colpocele - hernia projecting into the vagina, and cystocele - bladder prolapse) because everything is all linked together, in some way or other. I saw the surgeon again yesterday and it was a lot easier to understand what was going on, seeing the MRI images on his screen and having what was what explained. I already had all the images in printed form given to me after the scan, but it had taken me ages to even work out which way was up! 😄

Thank goodness, he said it was not more complicated now than what we had thought originally (just intestines/fat coming through a hole). It will all be repaired with mesh done laparoscopically and I’ll only have to stay in for a couple of days. I do know that mesh repairs have a bad rep as they often fail, but I think it’s worth the risk. The surgeon seemed very positive. However, I am missing certain muscles inside which were removed along with my rectum/anus/remains of tumour so the mesh has to be attached to something. Whilst we were there the surgeon called a urologist, who said it should be attached to my uterus (which seems to be the only thing still in place!). I think the other end of the ‘hammock’ will either be attached to some other muscle, or bone. It’s complicated for us non medical people to understand, and this is all in French!! The urologist will share the surgery with the surgeon, which I’m pleased about. The only worrying thing is that this is an uncommon surgery, where prolapses involve a perineal hernia and certain muscles not being there and probably scar tissue due to the first surgery. But I’m willing to go ahead because I have been in pain and discomfort for a long time, and have been taking codeine/paracetamol for ages, which I would like to stop taking.

I have a date for the surgery in early November, perfect timing as I should be ok for Christmas, and won’t be missing nice weather. I have to see the urologist and an anaesthestist next month, then do the hospital room booking and admin. My insurance (Mutuelle) will cover me having a top of the range private room like last time. 😄 😁

I feel so relieved that at long last something is happening.

More interesting discoveries at home

Have you ever heard of a Southern Gatekeeper? No, me neither! I only discovered recently that they exist. I knew there was a Spanish Gatekeeper, which I'd seen once before in the Pyrenees Orientales near to the Spanish border. I thought then that I was seeing this butterfly in my garden, but having a look through my butterfly book I realised that I had in fact been seeing the Southern Gatekeeper, along with the regular Gatekeeper. There isn't a huge difference in how they look, other than the male Southern Gatekeeper has sex brands on the topside of its forewing, and underneath they lack the small spots that the regular Gatekeeper has. There's also a bit more of a Y shape in the pale coloration underneath. There's a side by side picture on Wikipedia here showing the difference in the underwing pattern between the two species.

You can clearly see the sex brand markings on the forewing above.

The underwing showing a slight Y shape in a pale white colour, and no spots.

The next discovery was really exciting! We had seen Praying Mantises in Provence a few years ago, but I was very surprised to discover one when I was deadheading the geraniums. I'm really finding some goodies in the flower pots around the pool - a wasp spider, Geranium Bronze butterflies, and a praying mantis - you wouldn't expect so much interesting wildlife there, would you?!! Wonder what will be next.... 😀

The following photos were taken with Keith's phone, which was the nearest thing to hand....

European Mantis (Mantis religiosa)

You can really see how well camouflaged they are as they are identical in colour to the leaves! K was amazed that I had even found it, but it moved, which is how I noticed it. It's worth clicking on the individual images to view them a bit closer, as they have an extremely scary alien-like head and eyes, and terrifying front legs (imagine being their prey, or indeed, their mate!).

A few days ago K spotted this crab spider on the tiles in our covered patio area. When I went out with my camera, it of course started to walk, so there I was on my knees, bum in the air, crawling along with it trying to get some decent shots. 😀

It walked along to the drain that runs along the patio stones beside the pool area, and took shelter beneath one of the metal rails. I could still see it though!

It's Heriaeus hirtus, a member of the Thomisidae family of crab spiders. Hirtus means hairy in Latin!

Last but not least, a Hoopoe flew into our neighbour's garden, which was wonderful to see. K had seen a few before but I missed them, so this is the first one I have seen since moving here! I was hoping to see more. Never mind, we have seen Bee-eaters in the vicinity of our village several times, so I'm not too upset. It's bloody brilliant living here! 

(Credit for these photos goes to Keith, who took them through the kitchen window).

Talking of loving it here, we really do. I just love everything, love my new house, love the easy to manage garden, the pool (of course!) and the view. And love, love, LOVE living in the south of France! There is just SO much to explore here. It will take us years to explore just our own department, never mind the neighbouring depts. There's the Pyrenees, the Montagne Noir, the Haut Languedoc mountains, the Corbieres hills, the coastal area... and in normal times there is nearby Spain too! And of course the fauna and flora, so much of which is different. I feel so much better depression wise and feel joy again often. Life is good. 

The end of an era

We've been living in Aude since mid November now and luckily the move went really well! We managed over a three day period to sell Chateau Moorhen, drive down south with the three cats in the Moho then buy our new house with no hitch whatsoever, phew! Whilst the removers were moving our furniture in I sat outside so I could direct them to various rooms, and enjoyed not just the amazing view but warmth from the sun, despite cool air temps. The cats seemed to enjoy their time in the Moho, but no, we won’t be taking them on Moho holidays with us! 😁

I think the boxes are all unpacked now but we are still putting pictures and shelves up, and Keith has just erected Ikea cupboards for the laundry and utility rooms (we have two utility rooms!) because although the house is a decent size with plenty of cupboards, it’s much smaller than our old house. Talking of which, do I miss it? No, not one bit! I’m very happy here. I don’t know what to call the new house yet though. 😄

Not long after moving in we had a break from the unpacking and drove two hours away to the Herault dept to a Christmas market. There seem to be quite a number of British organised Xmas fairs in the Languedoc region, so plenty of choice. This one was held at a beautiful Abbey, the Abbey of Valmagne, which is also a wine estate. We had a very enjoyable day and ate a tasty Chicken Tikka Masala for lunch, with a mince pie later on, to get us Bah Humbugs into the Xmas spirit (didn't really work, after all it was still only November!). There was also a fish and chips van! There were hundreds of stalls through the cloisters and the church as well as outside. 

My brother came over for Xmas as he is alone now that mum has gone, so I went to the trouble of putting a few decs up, and cut a few small branches off a conifer which I stuck in a vase then decorated like a tree. I forgot to take a photo though, but it looked really good until the branches started dying. We had some great outings, the best being lunch in Roses in Spain on Christmas Eve in 20 C sunshine! That was what I had been dreaming of for several years, occasional really warm days in winter and being able to ‘pop’ to Spain now and again. It’s just over 2 hours away via the autoroutes, but the journey is superbly picturesque so the time goes by in no time. What a day that was, sitting outside a restaurant eating tapas, looking at palm trees and the beach. Bliss!

Yum! So much better than French food!

Looking towards the marina at Roses

On the corniche road near the Spain/France border, on the way home

We had more outings with my brother so I hope to get those photos posted at some point, but bear in mind the depression has not lifted completely, it's very weird as I feel so much happier, yet I still face certain things which are Impossible Tasks, blogging and posting regularly on social media being one of them. Replying to emails. Sending Christmas cards. Getting out of bed in the morning. Having a shower/washing my hair. I didn't realise that this was a 'thing' until my husband came across this article, then it all became so much clearer and he now understands why I don't get up until lunchtime most of the time. I haven't even sent change of address letters yet. However, it's great feeling happy again, and I have managed to write this post. Small steps!

July news from home and a health update

At the beginning of the month my brother was here and in amongst going off MoHoing, he helped a bit with the varnishing. All the windows had peeling varnish and the house was looking very tatty, as nothing got done last year. My brother is not scared of heights so was quite happy to varnish the highest lintel - K was happier to be down the bottom of the ladder because it bounces when he goes up it! Now most of the house has been done and looks a lot better.

In chicken news, poor Davie has Scaly Leg Mite. I haven't encountered that ailment before, so had to do some research to find treatment. It seems that dunking their legs in vegetable oil, or smearing them with vaseline, seems to be the most popular. Either literally suffocates the mites, but you have to keep up with the treatment because just like fleas, there's a breeding cycle of x amount of weeks (I forget right now and can't be bothered to go googling again!). Plus it's necessary to sprinkle insecticide powder or diatomaceous earth (the latter I don't have but mean to order some) around the shed/coop to kill any mites lurking there.

As for Randy, Sue who was his original breeder and who rehomed him after the fiasco here, has let me know that she has had to put him down. At first all seemed well and he seemed calm and happy with his new flock of hens. Then one day he attacked Sue for no reason whatsoever and caused her injury. She wasn't bothered about herself but feared for her old Labrador who wanders around amongst the chickens. It wasn't a good idea to breed from a cockerel with aggressive tendencies either. So he's history now.

In butterfly news, I was really pleased to spot a Lulworth Skipper on the Verbena, as I've been watching my lavender for them, which is where I have usually spotted them. They are tiny and only the female has light coloured markings on her.

I found a Swallowtail cat on my bronze fennel and it's funny how they are much more yellow than those who munch dill. There is also a really daft caterpillar who has decided that the (umbrella) base to the bird feeder on the lawn is a good place to pupate. I wonder if it will be eaten by a bird, or will those danger colours work to protect it? Those colours won't still be there once it has pupated though. I'll keep you updated as I can see it out of the kitchen window!

The Chiffchaffs like the fennel too, and flit about after insects. I can watch them through the living room window as they can't see me unless I get too close.

In pond news, first of all, the moorhens have only been around sporadically. It's been two years since we had any nesting here. However recently the food we put down for the ducks by the beach was disappearing at a rate of knots and we were being shouted at by hungry ducks when we went outside! The mystery was solved, as after several times of seeing five 'somethings' gliding away into the undergrowth, and thinking they might have been juvenile moorhens, it seems we have Mrs Mallard and her four nearly full grown babies living here!!! This last week I have managed to see them a few times as they are getting a little braver, but it's amazing how five ducks can hide themselves so well on a pond as relatively small as mine.

There hasn't been a lot of dragonfly activity, but there have been tons of damselflies! I see several species of blue ones but can't ID them all unless I get reasonably close up photos. The ones below are White-legged Damselflies (Platycnemis pennipes) and they have been mating and ovipositing like crazy. Good, all the more damselflies in future years!

This bee was sleeping on a leaf on a plant in the pond.

In veg patch news, it continues to be a mix of complete overgrown mess and floral wonderment. And I have some potatoes! There are three plants which must have come from tiny seed potatoes that got left in the soil two years ago. Hopefully they will be Desirees, the red potatoes. Soon it'll be time to harvest them so I will find out.

I have been to the Melodious Warbler Walk twice, on warm sunny days, to look for butterflies. Being a farm track the verges don't get cut like beside the roads. There are a good amount of Skippers but the vast majority of butterflies are Meadow Browns and Gatekeepers, and its teeming with them.

A bit of Skipper ID advice - below is a Small Skipper (Thymelicus sylvestris), and its antennae tips are red.

And here is an Essex Skipper, with black antennae tips.

I have seen quite a few Dingy Skippers but I just seem to miss getting any decent shots! This is the best I could do.

A female Brimstone.

I managed to capture a male Brimstone as it was flapping its wings open.

As you all know what colour male Brimstones are by now, then may I present one of my images in monochrome...

... and to make up for that lack of colour, here's a blast of clashing colour! There's even a free hoverfly thrown in for good measure.

Health Update

So what's this about, you might wonder? Well it's the results of my most recent blood test and shows the state of both my red and white blood cells. Ignore the numbers, what is special is that there is NO BOLD on the page!!! I've been seeing bold for about 18 months plus, as bold signifies the results outside of the normal range. I've been anything but normal obviously, so to see that my body must finally be throwing off the chemo poisons and getting back to normal is a cause for celebration. 

There is other good news, and some not so good. Whilst the neuropathy in my fingers has got a lot better, my feet are not doing so well. There hasn't been any change for several months and just lately it feels like they are getting worse, particularly my right foot. It feels like it's being held in a vise - it's a bit like if you tie up shoe laces way too tight, but I can't undo them to relieve the pressure. However I can feel with my toes and the soles of my feet much better than before, but that also means that walking barefoot, like on a beach, is difficult - every tiny little pebble that is bigger than sand grains is like walking on barbs for me. Not so great when bits like that get between my sandals and my feet! Unfortunately I now feel too much and my feet are mega sensitive. Even light fingertips can feel like I've been pricked by something sharp. It's very disappointing as it's been a year now and I don't know what I can do about it. Except wait and hope for the best. :-/

OK it's time to be cheerful again, and that is precisely how I feel. Three months after taking them and my antidepressants are working properly! The last few weeks I have felt happy - someone else told me that when she took them there was no sudden change but that one day she realised she felt normal again, and that's exactly what has happened to me! I feel human again as my sense of pleasure has been returned to me. And not just when away from home, but finally at home I can walk around the garden and take pleasure in the little things again. I haven't quite got full vim and vigour back (that will probably take many months and not just to do with the depression, but still getting over the illness) but I've been pottering about the garden doing jobs that need doing, although I'm still putting off housework! I do feel much more energetic than I was. I now have the utmost sympathy for anyone suffering from depression having been there myself. It's hell.

I have also started doing exercises as we are off on holiday next month and I want to be able to do some hikes without collapsing in a heap! Believe it or not I've been back on my exercise bike - yes I can manage to sit on it - it's not exactly comfortable but like many seats, after a while the nerve damaged bits sort of forget that it's uncomfortable.

I ordered some new swimming cossies as my old ones were ancient anyway and wouldn't fit me now. I also have to think about hiding the bag. So I've got some brilliant swim shorts from Lands' End and a sort of swim skirt that I bought from an ostomy supplier - that one comes up above the belly button and is ruched so hides a bag very easily, and has a pouch thingy to put it in and hold it in place. The swim shorts show a bit of the top of my bag but that will be covered with the tankini tops. However I went wild and ordered a bikini top too - it's kind of large and retro looking so looks great with either the shorts or swim skirt for a 50s look. Apparently that's quite trendy these days! I'm feeling so chilled these days that I couldn't care less if I show a bit of bag top - who is going to notice anyway? I'm far more self concious about my flabby cellulitic thighs! (Another really good reason for getting swim shorts.... oh and doing exercise).

All that brings me to more good news. I already have a supply of mini bags which is for when I go swimming on holiday, but I am wearing them more often now. That is because the last couple of weeks I have been self irrigating! My first two sessions were with my stoma nurse who has taught me how to do it. Basically I am giving myself an enema through my stoma, and getting rid of the contents of my colon. That gives me a couple of days (cross fingers) where no, or little, poo comes out of my stoma, meaning I can feel much more confident about going out and about, no worries about leaks, no discomfort, no more bad smells, no more having to go to the loo just to 'fiddle about with' my bag even though I don't need a pee. Anyway so far it seems to be working great now I am getting the hang of how my body is functioning and how much water I need to use. Hopefully if it continues to go well and I am confident enough I can wear just a stoma cover/plug which isn't much bigger than a large plaster. Being poo free will be a godsend on holiday as if we are out all day in the mountains, away from the MoHo, then I won't have any worries about having to bag change 'behind a bush'! I will, however, have the fun of irrigating in the van's tiny bathroom, and the accompanying smells emanating throughout the van. Hey ho, K will just have to get out of bed and go and sit outside! :-)

Randy goes home and moths from March and April

Aaarrrggghhhh!!! What a wasted week. I managed to pull a muscle in my lower back whilst gardening Sunday evening and have spent most of the last four days in bed. Lying down was the only way I could be fairly pain free, as standing or walking I had constant back pain and sciatic pain down one leg. Sitting was in between. It was doubly annoying as I was finally feeling raring to go in the garden. I'm now up but I'll have to leave the gardening for a few more days and take it very easy to start with. Hoping to get away for an overnighter in the Moho next week too.

OK so what's this about Randy? Well it all went horribly wrong. He started picking on one of my hens and to cut a long story short she had to be put down as he inflicted some horrible injuries on her, splitting her skin under her wings with his claws as he continually raped her. The other hens were starting to peck her too whilst he held her down, and he went for me claws flying when I yelled at him and chased him off.  This all happened not long before we went to England. Once poor Goldie had gone all went quiet and back to normal with the chickens! I mentioned it all to my neighbour who was looking after them whilst we were away and then we got a text from her whilst in England. He started it again with another hen, one of the older ones this time. So Randy got shut out of the run, on the garden side, with the old duck shed to sleep in at night. When we came back he'd worn down paths in the grass all the way along beside the run - I won't say 'poor guy' as we were really cross with him, but I did feel a little sorry for him as he was desperate for a shag! 

Anyway he was saved from being put down by his previous owner saying she would take him back. She wanted to see how he'd do with a larger flock, and her hens are much larger than mine too, being the same breed as he is, and she'd just lost a cockerel so the timing was right. So now I'm down to four hens but still getting three eggs most days, and hens being hens they don't seem to care or even notice whether there is a cockerel in with them or not!

Onto the moth trapping. I need to keep a record of moths that I catch though I am not counting numbers of individual species or overall totals. I had the trap out for two nights in March and just once in April, as there were very few opportunities when it was not likely to rain at night time.

March moths were few and far between and were common species, but April got a little more interesting. May species will be a separate post. Talk about getting behind with the blogging!

Hebrew Character (Orthosia gothica).

Small Quaker (Orthosia cruda).

Common Quaker (Orthosia cerasi).

I'm not sure what this moth is in the next two photos.

Now who is this lovely fluffy creature? (The following are April moths).

It's a Great Prominent (Peridea anceps). I caught several of them and they were very sleepy so great for photographing! They are big too. Sorry about the underneath of my fingernail. :-)

Muslin Moth (Diaphora mendica). This is a male - the females are white with black spots.

Suddenly a gust of wind blew it over so I captured its fluffy underneath bits. What lovely colours and markings.

Another don't know but it doesn't have its wings open enough for me to ID it.

There were also several Chafer Bugs which give me the creeps, but this little unknown beetley thing was really cute.

I had the trap out again a couple of times in May and caught a number of interesting looking moths plus one special one, so will share these soon.