July news from home and a health update

At the beginning of the month my brother was here and in amongst going off MoHoing, he helped a bit with the varnishing. All the windows had peeling varnish and the house was looking very tatty, as nothing got done last year. My brother is not scared of heights so was quite happy to varnish the highest lintel - K was happier to be down the bottom of the ladder because it bounces when he goes up it! Now most of the house has been done and looks a lot better.

In chicken news, poor Davie has Scaly Leg Mite. I haven't encountered that ailment before, so had to do some research to find treatment. It seems that dunking their legs in vegetable oil, or smearing them with vaseline, seems to be the most popular. Either literally suffocates the mites, but you have to keep up with the treatment because just like fleas, there's a breeding cycle of x amount of weeks (I forget right now and can't be bothered to go googling again!). Plus it's necessary to sprinkle insecticide powder or diatomaceous earth (the latter I don't have but mean to order some) around the shed/coop to kill any mites lurking there.

As for Randy, Sue who was his original breeder and who rehomed him after the fiasco here, has let me know that she has had to put him down. At first all seemed well and he seemed calm and happy with his new flock of hens. Then one day he attacked Sue for no reason whatsoever and caused her injury. She wasn't bothered about herself but feared for her old Labrador who wanders around amongst the chickens. It wasn't a good idea to breed from a cockerel with aggressive tendencies either. So he's history now.

In butterfly news, I was really pleased to spot a Lulworth Skipper on the Verbena, as I've been watching my lavender for them, which is where I have usually spotted them. They are tiny and only the female has light coloured markings on her.

I found a Swallowtail cat on my bronze fennel and it's funny how they are much more yellow than those who munch dill. There is also a really daft caterpillar who has decided that the (umbrella) base to the bird feeder on the lawn is a good place to pupate. I wonder if it will be eaten by a bird, or will those danger colours work to protect it? Those colours won't still be there once it has pupated though. I'll keep you updated as I can see it out of the kitchen window!

The Chiffchaffs like the fennel too, and flit about after insects. I can watch them through the living room window as they can't see me unless I get too close.

In pond news, first of all, the moorhens have only been around sporadically. It's been two years since we had any nesting here. However recently the food we put down for the ducks by the beach was disappearing at a rate of knots and we were being shouted at by hungry ducks when we went outside! The mystery was solved, as after several times of seeing five 'somethings' gliding away into the undergrowth, and thinking they might have been juvenile moorhens, it seems we have Mrs Mallard and her four nearly full grown babies living here!!! This last week I have managed to see them a few times as they are getting a little braver, but it's amazing how five ducks can hide themselves so well on a pond as relatively small as mine.

There hasn't been a lot of dragonfly activity, but there have been tons of damselflies! I see several species of blue ones but can't ID them all unless I get reasonably close up photos. The ones below are White-legged Damselflies (Platycnemis pennipes) and they have been mating and ovipositing like crazy. Good, all the more damselflies in future years!

This bee was sleeping on a leaf on a plant in the pond.

In veg patch news, it continues to be a mix of complete overgrown mess and floral wonderment. And I have some potatoes! There are three plants which must have come from tiny seed potatoes that got left in the soil two years ago. Hopefully they will be Desirees, the red potatoes. Soon it'll be time to harvest them so I will find out.

I have been to the Melodious Warbler Walk twice, on warm sunny days, to look for butterflies. Being a farm track the verges don't get cut like beside the roads. There are a good amount of Skippers but the vast majority of butterflies are Meadow Browns and Gatekeepers, and its teeming with them.

A bit of Skipper ID advice - below is a Small Skipper (Thymelicus sylvestris), and its antennae tips are red.

And here is an Essex Skipper, with black antennae tips.

I have seen quite a few Dingy Skippers but I just seem to miss getting any decent shots! This is the best I could do.

A female Brimstone.

I managed to capture a male Brimstone as it was flapping its wings open.

As you all know what colour male Brimstones are by now, then may I present one of my images in monochrome...

... and to make up for that lack of colour, here's a blast of clashing colour! There's even a free hoverfly thrown in for good measure.

Health Update

So what's this about, you might wonder? Well it's the results of my most recent blood test and shows the state of both my red and white blood cells. Ignore the numbers, what is special is that there is NO BOLD on the page!!! I've been seeing bold for about 18 months plus, as bold signifies the results outside of the normal range. I've been anything but normal obviously, so to see that my body must finally be throwing off the chemo poisons and getting back to normal is a cause for celebration. 

There is other good news, and some not so good. Whilst the neuropathy in my fingers has got a lot better, my feet are not doing so well. There hasn't been any change for several months and just lately it feels like they are getting worse, particularly my right foot. It feels like it's being held in a vise - it's a bit like if you tie up shoe laces way too tight, but I can't undo them to relieve the pressure. However I can feel with my toes and the soles of my feet much better than before, but that also means that walking barefoot, like on a beach, is difficult - every tiny little pebble that is bigger than sand grains is like walking on barbs for me. Not so great when bits like that get between my sandals and my feet! Unfortunately I now feel too much and my feet are mega sensitive. Even light fingertips can feel like I've been pricked by something sharp. It's very disappointing as it's been a year now and I don't know what I can do about it. Except wait and hope for the best. :-/

OK it's time to be cheerful again, and that is precisely how I feel. Three months after taking them and my antidepressants are working properly! The last few weeks I have felt happy - someone else told me that when she took them there was no sudden change but that one day she realised she felt normal again, and that's exactly what has happened to me! I feel human again as my sense of pleasure has been returned to me. And not just when away from home, but finally at home I can walk around the garden and take pleasure in the little things again. I haven't quite got full vim and vigour back (that will probably take many months and not just to do with the depression, but still getting over the illness) but I've been pottering about the garden doing jobs that need doing, although I'm still putting off housework! I do feel much more energetic than I was. I now have the utmost sympathy for anyone suffering from depression having been there myself. It's hell.

I have also started doing exercises as we are off on holiday next month and I want to be able to do some hikes without collapsing in a heap! Believe it or not I've been back on my exercise bike - yes I can manage to sit on it - it's not exactly comfortable but like many seats, after a while the nerve damaged bits sort of forget that it's uncomfortable.

I ordered some new swimming cossies as my old ones were ancient anyway and wouldn't fit me now. I also have to think about hiding the bag. So I've got some brilliant swim shorts from Lands' End and a sort of swim skirt that I bought from an ostomy supplier - that one comes up above the belly button and is ruched so hides a bag very easily, and has a pouch thingy to put it in and hold it in place. The swim shorts show a bit of the top of my bag but that will be covered with the tankini tops. However I went wild and ordered a bikini top too - it's kind of large and retro looking so looks great with either the shorts or swim skirt for a 50s look. Apparently that's quite trendy these days! I'm feeling so chilled these days that I couldn't care less if I show a bit of bag top - who is going to notice anyway? I'm far more self concious about my flabby cellulitic thighs! (Another really good reason for getting swim shorts.... oh and doing exercise).

All that brings me to more good news. I already have a supply of mini bags which is for when I go swimming on holiday, but I am wearing them more often now. That is because the last couple of weeks I have been self irrigating! My first two sessions were with my stoma nurse who has taught me how to do it. Basically I am giving myself an enema through my stoma, and getting rid of the contents of my colon. That gives me a couple of days (cross fingers) where no, or little, poo comes out of my stoma, meaning I can feel much more confident about going out and about, no worries about leaks, no discomfort, no more bad smells, no more having to go to the loo just to 'fiddle about with' my bag even though I don't need a pee. Anyway so far it seems to be working great now I am getting the hang of how my body is functioning and how much water I need to use. Hopefully if it continues to go well and I am confident enough I can wear just a stoma cover/plug which isn't much bigger than a large plaster. Being poo free will be a godsend on holiday as if we are out all day in the mountains, away from the MoHo, then I won't have any worries about having to bag change 'behind a bush'! I will, however, have the fun of irrigating in the van's tiny bathroom, and the accompanying smells emanating throughout the van. Hey ho, K will just have to get out of bed and go and sit outside! :-)

We have Siskins! (and a health update)

I'm back in the land of blog! Where have I been - well we got out for our first camping trip this week, and we were busy over the weekend packing up and organising - the first trip takes more time as you are figuring out where to put things. Anyway I'll tell you all about that in another post, for now it's about birds! Our Swallows are back, so are the Chiffchaffs who are singing their hearts out although I have yet to hear a Blackcap singing here.

What has delighted us in the last few weeks though is to have a different species of bird visiting our feeders! It's not the first time we have seen Siskins in the garden, as they are on my garden bird list, but it's been many a long year and I'm not sure if they ever fed on the feeders before (unlike previous houses where they were regular winter visitors).

Photos are taken through the kitchen window and the birds look different colours depending on the camera and the light conditions.

First of all a couple of females visited for a few days.

Then a male arrived, swiftly followed by another, so we had two of each species here. They were only interested in the fat balls and not the peanuts at all. Fat balls don't make for very pretty photos though!

Both species together have a bit of a barney in the next three photos, which I found quite amusing!

Health Update

I had my six month checkup which this time was an ultrasound of the abdominal/pelvic area and I'm happy to say that all was clear. I was told this by the doctor doing the test and had to wait to receive his written report where it confirms it. On Tuesday I'm seeing my Oncologist and I have to have a blood test for a couple of cancer marker tests, but I can't imagine they will show anything untoward as they never shot way up even when I did have cancer!

I saw my own GP recently as I was fed up with the infection between my buttocks which hadn't got any better since I saw the surgeon about it back in December and took the ABs which hadn't worked. My GP was concerned and said she thought I should see a dermatologist about it, and even phoned the hospital herself to tell them to see me urgently. As luck would have it, I managed to get an appointment the same afternoon as my ultrasound. Well blow me down, if it wasn't an infection at all, but psoriasis!!! Apparently it can flare up after a trauma, and reading about it afterwards it says that if you are predisposed to having psoriasis then things like injury, surgery and emotional stress can all be triggers to set it off. As my mother and her father before her all have/had psoriasis then it's not surprising. 

I also have it on the palms of my hands - this one is pustular and in fact started before I got ill. It then disappeared all the time I wasn't well only to come back again a few months ago. Yet another skin condition that chemo killed off, even though this one was only temporary. I now have some steroid cream which is helping my butt area which is much better, although there's not much improvement with my hands yet.

I also bit the bullet and discussed my depression with my GP who has prescribed me some anti-depressants. I've been taking them for two weeks now and these particular ones are supposed to start working as quickly as a couple of weeks, so we will see if I start jumping for joy any time soon...... I really hope so.

The neuropathy is definitely getting better although it is still doing so very slowly. Typing is improving now so long as I remember to cut my fingernails short! I don't even notice it in my hands a lot of the time. It's also getting a lot easier handling cameras and turning knobs and dials.

I'll leave you with this Speckled Wood which is the most common butterfly here, and who have been out and about this last week when the sun has been shining.

Abdominoperineal Resection surgery - one year on

I was in a hospital the other day visiting a friend who has just undergone a Triple Heart Bypass, and that reminded me how close his surgery date was to the anniversary of mine a year ago today.  I was sad that he had had to undergo the knife, but from a purely selfish point of view how nice it was that the patient was not me! What a refreshing change that was. In fact I have not had a hospital appointment at all yet this year....

Visiting Dave in the hospital.

I would like to chronicle how I am getting on as if anything, it serves as a reminder to me - when I feel fed up by slow progress I can look back and see what has changed and how far I've come. However I never thought I would have to do this as, although at the time I didn't even look forward a whole year, I had imagined that I would be hunky dory and back in rude health (surgery wise at least) after about three months, maybe six at the very most! Perhaps it is a good thing really to be naive and not know as you don't then worry about it, which is especially important when you are dealing with chemotherapy at the same time.

The major problem I've been left with is nerve damage from my perineal wound which is affecting my buttocks and hence the need to still have donut cushions to sit on. There has been a definite improvement after starting to take the drug Lyrica, but although my dose was recently upped from 150mg a day to 225mg, there has been no marked difference by taking a higher dose, although as with everything, it is getting a little easier as time goes by. I can sit on one or the other of the cushions now (one is foam, the other a kid's plastic swimming ring). The foam cushion is less comfortable and I still feel an 'oof' moment in my bum when I get up from either cushion or even both, which is usually how I sit. However I can sit without donuts on my kitchen or dining room chairs as they are both that rustic style with the straw type seating which has a slope down towards the middle, so when I sit on them there is no pressure right where obviously the pressure points are. But if I put the kitchen chair cushion down I can't sit on it at all! Experimenting with different chairs shows me that the most uncomfortable seat for me is actually my beloved sofa, which is a shame.

Foam donuts have other uses...

 

...they make perfect cat beds.

I no longer have the feeling that my body is rearranging itself when I get up now. I can bend over no problem but squatting or kneeling down is less easy and I have to do either slowly; even slower when I get up! But some of that may be to do with lack of muscle, and some is to do with the neuropathy in my legs (more about that later as that's a chemo induced problem). I can finally sit normally on the toilet seat to have a pee, because that position spreads your buttocks open and was too uncomfortable before! I was sort of sitting with all my weight just on one thigh and one hand on the toilet seat to balance myself (not recommended in public loos).

I found a video on YouTube of my exact operation and finally felt able to watch it all the way through (it was condensed down to 20 mins). I'd recently watched videos of having chemo ports both inserted and removed as well. It's always better to watch these things after the event! But with the main surgery, seeing how much flesh is removed around the anus just confirmed what I had thought - I had lost a lot of depth of skin between my buttocks and of course that has had to stretch over time to get comfortable again.

I'm really happy that the nerve damage to my bladder got better over time so that is one big hurdle sorted! However down near that department I have perineal skin in the area that previously was between vagina and anus that was fried by the radiotherapy and which is still tender sometimes; around this area was also where the end of the tunnel that the non-abscess formed which healed badly, leaving a couple of odd looking scars on the skin, which are tender to the touch. That may also be part of what causes discomfort upon sitting. In case I didn't mention, my perineal scar runs from nearly the top of my buttocks to about one inch behind the vagina! So it's kind of understandable that it would be a hard one to heal and would be jolly uncomfortable along the way.

The third thing causing butt/perineal pain and discomfort is a bacterial skin infection between my buttocks which started around October/November. I spoke to my surgeon about it when I saw him back in December, and he took a photo of it with his phone (!!) to take down the corridor to show to my proctologist. A swab was done and it turned out to be a bacteria called Streptococcus dysgalactiae ssp equisimilis (haha that's more of a mouthful than the latin names of most insects!). I took a two week course of antibiotics which made no difference, which confounded the surgeon. He consulted a dermatologist who said that this bacteria is present in the anal/perineal/vaginal area naturally but occasionally for some people can flare up into an infection (which is normally treated by the broad spectrum antibiotic that I took). They agreed the best course of action was to do nothing (unless it got worse), rather than give me more antibiotics. It seems to be getting better - slowly, with time, just like everything else. But it's still painful and a bit oozy at the top of my butt crack. 

Harry on my typing chair. A half deflated rubber ring is more comfortable for me.

My belly scar is fine and the bag, well, it has its moments and sure, it is a bit of a hassle at times, but overall it's one of the easiest things I've had to deal with post surgery (or compared to chemo and its after effects)! It's smelly changing it but thankfully at home we have good extractor fans in the bathrooms - it is going to be interesting in the tiny motorhome bathroom! I guess the skylight will come in very handy. 

Poo bag.

Other people with stomas do this so I thought I'd be brave and give it a go... but using the selfie thing on my phone is really hard and when I point it at my face I see a haggard witch looking back at me. Not nice. I'll leave the facial selfies for the teenagers!

I'm really pleased with my nice clean belly scar.

So, onto the after effects of chemo. I don't get any blood tests done relating to that apart from cancer markers, which is unfair as personally I want to know when my blood is back to normal so I can feel that the horrible chemo drugs have finally left my system. But hoorah! I have a blood test for my thyroid condition - it used to be once a month but is now every two months and the next one is due in about three weeks. It shows full bloodwork for red and white blood cells and platelets, plus a few other thing like liver function tests. The last one was the healthiest I have seen in a long time with only ONE thing in bold (bold meaning it's not in the normal healthy zone) - Lymphocytes which are a type of white blood cell are still low. I'm really hoping this next one will show no bold. Amazingly, despite still having a slightly suppressed immune system, I didn't catch Keith's recent cold - that has to be a first!

I see my Oncologist mid April and need to organise an ultrasound before that. I can't believe how the time has gone by since I saw him last in October when I got the all clear.

I still have the neuropathy but I had about five days recently where it got markedly better - I suddenly found that I could feel my toes! I could get my feet into my slippers without needing my hands to get them on at the back. My knees stopped being painful coming down the stairs. I had more feeling in my hands and whilst still having tingling in my fingertips I could feel through it. But no sooner had I told Keith, then announced it to everyone on facebook, than it got worse again! Next time I'm saying nothing! However I feel that it is nowhere near as bad as it was. The numb patches on my feet have gone and although they still feel like stiff blocks (especially my ankles) I do have more feeling overall. It changes a bit too which may be a good sign with some days being better than others; this is a recent thing as months back all it did was gradually get worse then stay the same. The most important thing is that I am not aware of it every bloody second of the day like I was before. So partly I have got used to it, and partly it is (I really hope) getting better, but like everything else, very, very, slowly.

However possibly as a result of Lyrica for which it is a noted side effect, possibly due to the fact that I ate an inordinate amount of sweet things over the Christmas/New Year period and got very little exercise, I have got fat! Yes I know, fat is a relative thing and I jest, but I no longer fit any of my jeans or trousers and have put on a whopping 2 stone/28 pounds/13kg since I was at my skinniest. However that skinny look was ugly, vile, disgusting, quite frankly downright hideous, so the fact that I can now pinch about 3 inches in certain places is not so bad (I keep telling myself). I've cut out the sweet things now and my weight seems to have stabilised, but I did have to buy some new jeans. I've just got to force myself to do more exercise which I always find hard to do, because muscle tone and strength is more important now than weight.

Overall, between the surgery and the neuropathy which makes my knee and ankle joints stiff, I feel like I've aged 20 years in mobility at times. I know what it feels like now to have to use furniture to heave yourself up off chairs or the floor; to no longer be able to walk quickly; to generally be slow in most movements, particularly after sitting or lying for a while and being really stiff when first getting up. It's not always as bad as I've described though and the more active I am, the easier it gets.

 

I think my face is fatter,
anyway I hate this pic of me (as usual)!
Dave looks amazing 5 days after major surgery.

That leaves the last thing - the depression. It is lifting but not entirely gone - I see and hear things which make me happy but it's like it's at a lower level of happiness than before. It's too hard to explain. I now have huge sympathy for anyone suffering from this debilitating condition which previously I took little notice of. 

So, that was my crap year and now my new year begins! I am trying to get back my zest for life and Project Motorhome is helping hugely as I have much to look forward to. I haven't been taking many photos lately but want to get back into that soon. With spring having arrived early there are flowers, birds singing and much going on in what still looks like a wintery landscape. I will be back to normal blogging soon I hope. But we pick up the van on Friday so I may be a bit side tracked for a while.... :-) 

In the absence of photos...

...there is nothing actually stopping me from blogging and just writing about stuff. Winter has arrived, with one white frost and this morning, some flakes of snow, but I don't feel like going outside to take photos. I've done it before; the cold hurts my hands and they are numb enough right now anyway.

Before that we had several days of April showers - I did think of taking some pics but moments later I'd be sheltering from torrential downpours, sometimes hail, and it wasn't the weather to have a camera out with me whilst I worked as the ground was drenched. There's nothing very interesting for the viewer about brambles or ivy, which I've been chopping back. In fact many of my garden sorties have involved looking up and deciding which branches need lopping because they are either shading out other trees, growing into each other or dangling down in our way, particularly over the drive. It's amazing how trees grow! Of course they do as they are plants, just like shrubs need pruning and weeds need weeding, so the amount of work needing doing in winter during the dormant months equals the summer work.

There's the perimeter fence which needs clearing of saplings and ivy; brambles and whippy growth which grow out into the main pathways smack K as he tries to mow, and the ever encroaching ivy jungle which threatens to take over all my trees. The enormous Leylandii hedge desperately needs its once every two years trim (that job is now given over to the professionals and the guy is supposed to come next week as he was too busy in November), the elm saplings need constantly hacking back in the chicken runs, sycamores self seed everywhere and need pulling out or chopping off. And that's all before looking at the veg patch, which has a jungle growing over every inch of soil. The orchard fruit trees haven't been pruned for two years, ditto clearing the stream over there of all the brambles and other vegetation which swamp it. Flower beds and shrubs need a good sorting out and compost added to the soil. All the while I mostly laze around indoors unable to get motivated to do anything about it, not that I have the strength to do half those jobs even if I was raring to go seven days a week. I accept that I currently have a semi broken body which needs a lot more time to heal and cannot keep up with this garden.

So what is the answer? Well there's the obvious, which was our original thought. Sell up and move somewhere with less land, an easier to maintain garden, and in our preferred area near the south coast of Morbihan or Loire Atlantique, near to all the good birding areas. This would also fit in with our PLAN, which would be hard to execute whilst living here (more about that later). But first we'd need to declutter all the accumulated junk, all those 'might come in handy one day' things, plus all the really technologically obsolete things which make up a huge bulk when you move house. Maybe someone might want a load of punk LPs at our village vide grenier in May? I'd give them away to a happy home rather than take them down the tip and chuck them. Ditto paperbacks; I've tons here, far more than fit my shelves as we had a number of plant and book swaps some years back with friends and somehow I seemed to end up with bagsful of 'bodice rippers' which my OH likes to call them, which I don't read (unless I'm really desperate). We're both using Kindles now anyway. And don't get me started on the photo albums! However I think the videos can go in the bin, except for our wedding one!

Then there's the house - a lot of it was never decorated and we've been too busy in the garden here to ever get to it, so upstairs we have a lot of bare plaster walls in the hallways and stairwells, plus one of the bathrooms. I really want to do something about that this year and feel like it's time the house had some attention after all this time.

It just seemed like such a mammoth amount of work we'd need to do this year in order to put the house on the market in spring next year, much worse than just the regular jobs which need doing outside, which at least don't involve tidying up outside to make it look as neat and pretty as possible as well. And it would involve work both inside and out. Not necessarily great when you are wallowing in post chemo depression and can hardly get out of bed.

On top of this I have been looking at houses for sale, and they all suck. Big time. Even the really expensive ones miles out of our price zone. Do you know why? I know one can change them, albeit one is usually constrained by existing walls, windows, doors etc, but why are kitchens so forgotten? Why are they so small in relation to the rest of the house, with so little storage space? I'm not a professional, just a normal person who cooks and bakes, and I have a lot of kitchenware, and it all gets used. Plus the large things which reside in cupboards in the huge bathroom next door. Deep fat fryer, breadmaker, ice cream maker, food processor..... I can tell you where some people kept things like that as it was all too obvious from the cluttered photos. No work space left.

Then there were the dreadful designs, mostly in the newer properties. I'm sure they were designed by people who've never cooked in their lives and know nothing about the cooking triangle. Huge living dining spaces with a tiny corner given over to the kitchen, which is open onto this large room. This seems to be the way all houses built in the last 20 years have been designed, ditto a lot of the old house renovations. I HATE that! It's bad enough being in the living room trying to watch telly when my OH is clattering away in the kitchen next door. If he was doing that in the same room I'd go nuts! And I love having a kitchen which is big enough for a table - we have different living spaces this way, and one can be in the kitchen at the table, listening to the radio, whilst the other watches TV in the living room, which is big enough for a dining table too.

Then there's the Breton style houses where they shove all of upstairs inside the sloping roofspace. Another hate. It may be fine for a four foot high child but a six foot 4" husband? It's so impractical as well as ugly as sin. We're very lucky in this house as we have less of that as all the top floor rooms have dormer windows, and we don't live on that floor anyway. We've fewer problems with that on the middle floor.

I was rather taken with the styles of houses south of the Loire - they have the terracotta canal tile roofs which I find very attractive. Many houses within our price range had swimming pools too - but as K pointed out - a swimming pool would just go the way of the exercise bike. A novelty at first then barely get used.

Whilst all this has been running through my mind these last weeks, I've started to look at my house in a new light. I LIKE this house. It works for us. I don't like the tiled worktops in my kitchen, and I wouldn't have chosen this design of cupboards, but it has storage space galore. I counted the drawer and cupboard knobs and there were over 50! We have a good amount of worktop space too and I use every inch when I'm cooking but like to keep it clutter free in between times. Plus we have more things in the mud room/cellier, mostly relating to freezing and preserving, but we don't need to find room for them in the kitchen. I thought, if only we could transplant this house further south.... because another thing. We've been there and done that round here over the years and after a while it gets boring. Yet go a bit further afield to new exciting places and it makes for a long and tiring day out. Then there's the problem of having poultry if we were to go for an overnight somewhere - we could leave the cats alone overnight but the chickens are the worst tie as they have to be shut inside the shed at night for their own safety. I could try to rehome them but I don't want any of them going in the pot!

And so a decision has been made, we are staying put. We will look into getting some help in the garden and we won't be growing any veg this year. No, not even courgettes (although we might still have some cherry toms in pots up by the house. I don't think I could be so drastic as to not grow a few tomatoes!) so my neighbour may be happy to offload excess courgettes on us. We plan however to get out and about more often, but I am keeping the details of what that's about to myself for the moment until the big PLAN comes into fruition. It's just that if cancer should come back to bite me in the non existent arse, I would like to have made the most of this time doing something a bit different that we will both enjoy, rather than just slogging away at same old same old. Watch this space! In any event, I am now going to try to live for today and not plan too much beyond the next few years. Who knows, any of us could get run over by a bus!!!

I'm also breathing a huge sigh of relief as I don't really want to move. The thought of starting all over again somewhere new is scary. We know everyone here in the hamlet even if we sometimes don't see them for months or even years on end. And we need to be within an hour of a hospital, and an airport which has flights to the UK, which meant Rennes or Nantes anyway. I could wave goodbye to my lake, but would feel sad about leaving my buried pets. I'm now beginning to feel a bit less gloomy too - December was a dreadful month for me and I spent a full three days in bed after the chemo port was taken out. Not due to pain. I can't tell you why. I'd feel teary for no reason, plus people kept dying - not people I knew personally but either friends of friends or family, or virtual friends, which was affecting me greatly. I think there was a bit of survivor guilt in there too.

Back to this place - we can't stay here forever; it never was our intention with a big house and so much land to still be toiling away into old age. But for now Chateau Moorhen will live on with us as its guardians.


I can't post without mentioning the death of an absolute genius in the world of music and art - yes that bloody disease took him too but I am not taking this one to heart. But he will live on through his music, like all the legends. 

Au revoir chemo port and December flowers

Not only is this one of the mildest autumns (and Decembers so far) that I remember since moving here eleven years ago, it's also one of the the driest ones. Looking back to when I started this blog in Dec 2011, that year the stream didn't start flowing until the 6th December and it wasn't until the 16th that the lake was full again. This year we've had 'enough' rain for the ground to be damp through and sodden at times; the stream has flowed now and again and refilled the pond up to about 2 foot below the overflow. Then it stopped. So it will be interesting to see if we beat 2011! Here's a link to the post way back showing how low the lake got that year - it was only a pool left in a nearly empty lake bed.

This year there is nothing to worry about as there is plenty of water in the lake itself, but it's a general guideline to how much rain is falling overall and obviously points to a lot more being needed to replenish the water table. Interestingly I found a website that allowed you to put in any French commune and it gives you the climate conditions for that area - the average driest month in my village is April! I would have said September, but then I've only being noticing the weather here for 11 years. November is the wettest month apparently - sounds about right - normally! Here's the link and it does the whole world and you can change the language. I have no idea how accurate it is but it sounds about right for my area.

Autumn 2011 was also very mild and I had geraniums still flowering on Christmas Day - but there is probably more in flower this year than back then, so I went around the garden with my camera of course. There are a few more flowers in the overgrown jungle that is the veg patch, notably corn marigolds still looking pristine, and a few worse for wear cosmos, but I won't share any more nasturtiums and borage right now as I've done them to death!

Heartsease Viola which flowers all year round.

My lovely Prunus subhirtella.

And again, plus another view of the lake (any excuse).

Feverfew self seeded up against the house wall.

Only a few Phacelia have started to flower out of a mass of new plants.
Shame there are so few bees around!

All my roses are flowering and top right are Hellebore buds already.

Surprisingly this unknown plant is flowering
again in my alpine trough.

There are a number of plants flowering out the front of the house where it is quite sheltered from north winds and not included here is the Black Eyed Susan (Thunbergia alata) which is still flowering away happily against the house wall.

The odd Lavender and Thyme flowers still keep appearing, whereas the Erigeron flowers
all year round where it is sheltered at the front of the house.

This however is several months early - it's Japonica aka Flowering Quince (Chaenomeles).

The Hollyhocks just keep on flowering.....

...and there's no stopping the Calendula (until we get below zero!).

Back to leaves again, but I can't help it!

Berberis looking amazing right now.

Leaves on the ground given the ICM treatment.

Sorry, it's that pond again....
it's at its most photogenic in spring and autumn.

Sleepy ducks - when the lake is full the water will come up
to just above the green growth top right.

Leaves floating on the water.

Oak leaves - I can't stop taking leaf photos!

Oak trees and leaves.

My handsome seasonally coloured Harry.

My chemo port has come out this afternoon and I'm hoping that will give me the closure that was missing by never having had that final chemo session. At times the port, which is a lumpy chamber implanted under the surface of the skin and is linked to a major artery, was uncomfortable and felt like it was pulling on my skin, but recently having put on a bit of weight I haven't noticed it. I think being thin doesn't help when you don't have any excess flesh.

The doc showed it to me after it came out (gen anaesthetic to put it in, local to take it out). I knew there was something like a tube coming out of the port as I could feel it under the skin just beside the port, but I was amazed to see that the tube was about 5 or 6" long! The doc said it went into a heart vein (or near to one, my French doesn't always 'get' every word said) but not knowing vein or artery anatomy I don't understand why then the tube was pointing out towards my shoulder. Maybe a vein/artery does a loop around back towards the heart?

As far as my doldrums have been going, when I have managed to drag myself out of bed this last week I have not only had a great session attacking brambles by the side of the pond (was good that I could get into the dry lake bed itself to pull up the ends which had rooted in to the soil), and because I had some shortcrust pastry that K brought back from England, I made a pumpkin pie. Bit late for Thanksgiving but as I'm not American I can make it any time I want to. :-)

To my British friends - can you no longer get those blocks of shortcrust pastry which you roll out yourself? This ready rolled Tesco stuff was square!!! and way too small for any of my (round of course) flan or pie dishes, so I had to cut bits off the square edges and fill in the gaps with these odd bits of pastry. And then the pastry went rather brown before my pie filling was cooked. Tastes nice though. More weight gain I reckon after that as I'm eating twice as much of it as K, who is trying to lose some weight! :-)