Mary MoHo goes to the seaside

She has a name at last and I will explain all that at the end of this post. These pictures are from a day out at the coast nearly two weeks ago. We haven't got Mary out again since then but I see better weather coming soon so we might get to camp soon - but in the meantime a day out and a picnic by the sea is a good enough compromise.

This time we filled up with enough water to get the boiler going and check that the hot water runs (it does), but as we can't get near the house with it we couldn't use the new clean hose for water so K had to fill by hand as you can see!

One thing I can't get over is because you are sitting so much higher up than in a car, and being a van it has a huge windscreen, you get a much clearer view of the countryside and I am appreciating it so much more. The sky seems so huge too and it's going to be good for getting snaps whilst on the move. So long as we keep the windscreen clean, and no, splatted bugs is not my idea of fun insect photography!

We headed up to the stretch of coast between Cancale and St Malo, but sadly for some unknown reason the coastal road was closed halfway along with no explanation, so the beach I had planned to go to had to be changed. We ended up parking in a layby on the cliff top along with about five other motorhomes to have our picnic, but we did at least have a view of the sea. Afterwards we walked a bit along coastal paths and saw that we were really close to Pointe du Grouin where I find all sorts of interesting wild flowers and butterflies in summer.

Looking over at the semaphore station on Pointe du Grouin.

This coastal path is the GR34 - one of the Grande Randonee walks in France - this one goes the entire way around the Brittany coast.

Blackthorn was just beginning to flower.

Picnic time, so nice in comfort and warmth!

As we fancied a walk on a beach we headed for our favourite spot at Port Mer. The tide was out a really long way and we had a great time wandering on the beach. The few restaurants here looked closed but it is hard to tell because it was mid afternoon by this time and of course nobody is sitting outside in winter, so they could be open for lunch. Indoors.

It pays to check out that lone seagull you often see - as in this case it wasn't, it was a Little Egret (Egretta garzetta)! Not an uncommon sight these days, both in winter and summer.

These were so distant it was only because K heard their cries that we even noticed them - Oystercatchers (Haematopus ostralegus) on the beach. I haven't seen any in Brittany before.

I was nearly falling over trying to get down and take photos whilst squatting - could have done with waterproof kneely pads! Then I'm like an old lady struggling to get back up again!

But what are we taking photos of in the next two images?

These strange things!

They were totally fascinating and there were loads of them around the low tide area. When we came home I found out that they are Common Whelk egg cases! Here's some brief information from Arkive - more info about them on their page here. Whelks are of course edible and one of the things you will find in a Plateau de Fruits de Mer over here - but personally I think they are gross as I don't eat snails, whether from the land or the sea - though I have tried them. Never again!

"The sexes are separate; breeding takes place from October to May, and the eggs are attached to rocks, shells and stones in protective capsules. Each capsule contains as many as 1000 eggs, and the capsules of several females are grouped together in large masses of over 2000 ⁽²⁾. Only a few of these eggs will develop; most eggs are used as a source of food by the growing embryos ⁽³⁾. There is no free-swimming larval stage ⁽⁴⁾, instead, crawling young emerge from the capsules after several months ⁽³⁾. Empty egg masses frequently wash up on beaches, and are often mistaken for sponges ⁽²⁾. They are known as 'sea wash balls' because they were once used to wash with ⁽³⁾."

On the walk back up the hill to the car park I saw these amazing summer flowers, still going strong in this sheltered spot where frosts are rare!

Then it was time for tea and cake in the warmth and comfort of the Marymobile. :-)

So, how did she get named? Well it seems you have to give everything a name these days, including your stoma (mine doesn't!). But I was starting to find it a bit irritating calling it 'it', 'the van', 'the MoHo' and felt we needed something a bit more interesting but easy to say. We'd played around a bit with names and I really wanted something to honour my late in-laws, as it was their inheritance which paid for it (yes I know I said I was going to buy it from the money I'm supposed to be receiving from my uncle but god knows when that is going to arrive, and by the time the lawyer has taken off his £130 an hour fee there will probably be nothing left!).

I liked The AlfandMaryMobile but that was too much of a mouthful, and K kept calling it the Winnebago. So we joked about the Mary Bago (as her name wasn't Winnie) and eventually settled on Mary for short. K was brought up on caravanning holidays around the British Isles with his brother and parents and I know they would have been thrilled to know that we had bought something like this with their money. In fact my brother and sister in law are talking about getting one too! I wonder what they will call theirs? :-)

The Wrinklies, as we used to call them, on their 70th wedding anniversary in November 2012. I'm so glad we were there for it.

Thanks very much, Alf and Mary. I miss you. xx

Rectal cancer one year on, seven months since APR surgery and pics from a few outings

It's five weeks since my last chemo and in fact that's it finished for now, unless I need more in the future. It was most kind of the hospital to bother to let me know that they'd decided that I didn't need the last treatment. The last time I mentioned it here on my blog I'd said that my last session was cancelled due to my platelet count being too low, and the hospital said they'd phone to reschedule, which never happened. I had to phone them to find this out! I had been wondering what was going on as they'd already given me an appt with the Oncologist for my apres chemo discussion and an appt for a Petscan had arrived in the post for 1st October. So I've now had 10 treatments out of the original 12 I was supposed to have.

I was left feeling very deflated as, not that I wanted the final chemo (who would?), I wanted to feel that elation of it being over, so I felt very cheated. I haven't been feeling that good lately so there is no feeling of cheer, more the beginnings of dread in case the Petscan finds anything untoward. And even if it is clear, now what? I guess I spend the rest of my life, however long that may be, hoping it doesn't come back. Yes I know this is not the 'right' attitude but I've been feeling more tired and lethargic of late than I was a couple of weeks after the last chemo.  I can't remember exact dates but it's been almost a year since the Proctologist said there was something dodgy up my bum and ordered my colonoscopy for 6 October 2014, so I'm probably feeling in a slump because I've gone through so much in the last year and now my body and I don't know what to do with ourselves. Dragging myself out of bed is a huge chore some days and in the last week I've had precisely two days where I didn't spend at least a good part of the day in bed, sleeping or reading. I now think it's possible I'm suffering depression without having realised it, as although I don't feel 'depressed' per se, there are other symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, energy loss, change of mood, blah blah blah. It's probably not surprising. But a 'good day' helps hugely and yesterday afternoon after I'd written most of this was one of those good days, and I was left feeling that I had actually achieved something and slept really well for the first time in ages.

I have bad peripheral neuropathy in my feet and lower legs and it's now attacking my hands. It started as a slight numbness in my finger tips and holding things like knives and forks and using pressure causes discomfort. Now the tingling has started but it is very mild compared to what I feel in my feet. I have balance issues due to the numbness and tingling in my feet and wobble a lot, particularly when I first stand up. I've also started dropping things. This is due to the drug Oxaliplatin and this is the chronic neuropathy that I wasn't told about. I was warned in advance about the acute neuropathy which is generally a reaction to cold and which is worse straight after the chemo session and gradually wears off over a week or two. In my case it took about three weeks after my last chemo, but at the beginning it only took about a week. That was easily manageable by not touching cold things and wearing gloves to get things out of the fridge, and getting K to do anything involving cold water like washing vegetables. The chronic neuropathy builds up over time and gets worse after the chemo ends, and can take months before it starts to get better. That's the best case scenario. It could take a year, and for some people, it never goes away. It's one of the hardest things to deal with because pain killers don't help as it's not pain. But it's bloody horrible and is drives me nuts at times. The one thing which helps me block it out is to get out and enjoy what I enjoy doing - taking photos, watching wildlife, doing a bit of gardening - a little of this and I realise I have not been thinking about the unpleasant feelings so much. I've just got to push myself to get out and DO these things!

I'll update about the after-effects of my surgery at the end; however let's back up a few weeks to when I felt a bit better than I do now! First we went out just for a walk which wasn't a long one but on the side of a steep hill beside a river valley. I was expecting sloping paths but nope, I had to get up some really big concrete steps which was extremely hard work given my leg muscles had had very little work for months! Thankfully there was a middle level which was flat so we walked along that and then found a sloping path up to the higher level where there were some lovely views over the Couesnon valley. I did take a few photos but there are none of me so I'm not posting them here in this post. 

A few days later we went to the coast - the weather had perked up and it was lovely and sunny. The pictures will speak for themselves but we did a bit of walking around a couple of headlands. Not much in the way of butterflies and few wildflowers in bloom either (probably why!), which was a bit surprising given the rain we'd had back in August. I thought it would be blooming. Anyway it was a lovely day out and I got some more walking in, although I gave up on one of the tracks as it was rather up and down with rough rocky ground. I think I'll leave that kind of walking for another time when I'm feeling stronger!

As I hate most photos of me I've given most of these effects with names such as Aged, Antique, Retro and Grandma's Lemonade, which is about how I feel right now. Not lemonade, silly, but I'm well old enough to be a granny and feel more like great grandmother right now!

"Don't do it!"

Waiting to order moules frites by the seaside.

Not sure why I'm pulling a face at my chip....

Not sure why I'm wearing reading glasses to eat an ice cream.....

Aged Photo highlights the liver spots freckles.....

This was high tide and first time I've seen loads of seaweed like this, it wasn't
very nice and the water felt freezing, although there were people swimming.
I think it was the neuropathy in my feet which made it feel so cold.

Last week I had lunch out with some friends, including one who is not in the photo here. There aren't any photos of me in the restaurant so here's one of me afterwards at my friends' house. I'm sure they won't mind appearing in my blog. 

Dave, Janet and me in the middle,
with me looking uber pale compared to Dave with his suntan!

Strangely some days I perk up completely like a few days ago when the sun was shining so I asked Keith after lunch if we could go out for a walk, which he was of course happy to do. We spent several hours out spotting wasp spiders and watching butterflies feeding on blackberries and it was simple and just perfect. 

Post APR surgery seven months on

A little while ago I tried searching on the web to see how other people who had had the same surgery as me had got on months later. I particularly wanted to know how long it took them after the op before they could sit comfortably. I found very little information although it seemed everyone could sit comfortably a lot sooner than me, but bear in mind I had the set back of the non-abscess. There are plenty of forums out there but it seems that either people don't go back to post much after they have got better (and who can blame them for wanting to forget about it all), or worse, I guess in some cases people didn't make it. There are a few medical sites which give a decent amount of info about the things that can go wrong after this kind of surgery - most of which I was not told about by my medical team. So I decided I would document how it's going for me. 

A surprising thing I found during this research was that according to some UK and US sites they do not recommend sitting on doughnut cushions after the op. Well obviously that isn't the case in France. I'm still sitting on them. I did try not to after I'd read that apparently it can cause more pain and hinder healing (without explaining why), but after a week I had more pain and was back on the codeine again and went back to my doughnuts. One site said that the perineal wound was different from other surgical wounds as it has to heal from the inside as well as the outside. That I don't understand at all as surely all wounds that cut deeply into your body need to heal all the way through the cut area, such as my belly wound which presumably went through my lower abdominal muscles. I get so frustrated at info given that doesn't explain WHY! And in case you were wondering, I take my doughnut cushions with me to restaurants! They go everywhere with me.....

For months since the non-abscess started healing my butt area has felt very tight - I guess this was partly the healing process but also I have less skin there as much has been chopped out and I have less depth of skin in my butt crack which feels really weird, so I always have this rather irrational fear that if I bend over or squat, my perineal wound is going to split open! I saw my stoma nurse recently and she suggested using a moisturising cream to massage into the scar and this seems to be helping a little. Or maybe it's just time helping/healing, or both. I also have a numb patch next to the scar which I've had ever since they uncoupled me from the epidural machine. And other patches by the scar which hurt when I touch them. Sneezing is not too bad but even the slightest cough hurts my no longer there anal/rectal area really badly, so I live in dread of catching a cold as I don't know what I'd do if I had a real cough. 

As for my belly wound, that one healed up nicely; the scar looks neat and tidy and is more white now than pink and nice and smooth. I get a few twinges now and again. However I'm very aware of the possibility of getting a parastomal hernia. Again nobody said a word to me about this in the hospital, yet this is a common occurence and most people who do get hernias around their stomas get them in the first year after surgery. I do have a slight lump which concerns me but the stoma nurse said that if it was the beginning of a hernia, it was very small. She said to ask the Petscan doctor to check it out. I am being very sensible and always wear my corset when doing any work in the garden and rarely lift anything heavy. Not that I can do much garden work as I end up with a sore butt area!

Sometimes when I have been lying down and get up, I have to wait a little while bent over whilst I have this odd feeling that my lower body is rearranging itself in the area that was operated on and can't stand up straight and have to let this weird pain pass. It doesn't take long but I'm often walking slowly like an old lady for a few minutes before everything eases up and I get back to normal walking.

I have no problems dealing with my poo bag and it's probably the least of my worries, although of course it's much easier to deal with at home and I've yet to have to change or empty it in a public loo or anywhere other than home. I've had some pancaking issues (google it!) and wouldn't want that to happen whilst out and not near a loo. Clothes are a bit of a problem as most of my trousers and jeans are low(ish) waisted and I could really do with them being up around my waist for comfort, but who makes clothes with high waists any more? To hide the top of the bag when it is peeking above my trousers I wear a pregnancy belly band - this tip I got off the net. It helps to smooth out the top of the bag and then you can wear a tightish t-shirt without an outline showing. But I'm still most comfortable in stretch dance type pants as they seem more forgiving on my still sore bum, so that's often what I wear at home.

As for other issues - well I've seen my Urologist a number of times to try to work out why I have bladder problems and have had several tests which could be embarassing if I had any shame left any more, but I have none. Sticking a camera or a catheter up my urethra is no big deal any more! I was peeing too frequently and not seeming to pass enough and it never feels 'normal'. Apparently I have permanent nerve damage and there's not a lot they can do (I tried pills for an overactive bladder but it seemed to make it worse so I gave that up). But I've found it is getting a bit better as time goes by and this is something I can live with.

There are other issues caused by radiotherapy and surgery affecting 'ladies' parts', radiotherapy often inducing premature menopause in younger women - I already have reached menopause but radiotherapy does some pretty awful things to that area. I won't go into details but I'm trying some medication to see if that will help. Again nobody told me any of this and I've had to self diagnose from info given on the internet.  

I think that's about summed it all up. Naively, partly because I had not been given any info about after the op and what to expect, I had thought I'd be back to normal by now, as normal as it gets after an op like this, of course. Now I know it could take years before all these things settle down.

And of course, it's not all about me either. There are two of us here who are going through this crap. Keith went to the periodontist earlier this week to get his teeth cleaned. I had to cancel my appointment because I wasn't sure when the chemo was going to happen and also it wasn't a good idea if my platelet count was still low as it meant I could bleed more easily. K explained to the dentist why I had cancelled. She then examined him and said his gums had receded. Apparently this can be caused by stress and fatigue! There was no need to ask him if he'd been suffering stress...... 

This isn't meant to be a whinge but more to help anyone reading this who also has been through the same or similar surgery and is wondering how others are coping. If anyone would like to get in touch to ask questions privately or just to talk, you can contact me using the 'Contact Me' form on the right hand column up near the top. I'd be happy to hear from you. 

A mini break from chemo which meant some days out at last!

I have finally felt well enough to have a few trips out this last week. I explained how I had negociated an extra two week break with my Oncologist when I saw him last in this post here a few weeks back. My new anti nausea drugs worked really well so I continued to eat during the last chemo session with no nausea, and have continued to eat well and have done lots of cooking during this time.

My brother came over from England and we've had three meals out, two of which were in scenic places where we had some walks around and watched the wildlife and for me it was absolutely magic to have this opportunity to get out and see some different parts of the countryside other than the same old route to the hospital! I've still felt very tired at times as I get bouts of energy, make the most of it doing a bit of gardening (or going out) but then crash out and need some down time sleeping or just resting, reading in bed. But this is still tons better than before! Chemo starts again on Thursday but guess what, finally I have put some weight on - about 5 pounds/2.5 kg, which is exactly what I wanted, as I was so worried about the weight loss and weakness and how on earth I was going to get through the rest of the chemo sessions. Now I've only got 5 more sessions to go and feel refreshed and ready to face the grindstone again. Even if I lose some weight again at least I shouldn't get any worse than before.

Our first trip out last week was to a restaurant we discovered last year when my brother was over. For anyone in this part of Brittany it's called Le Col Vert on the lake at Hédé. They serve interesting food - some Asian and African dishes as well as some Tex Mex ones. My brother and I had fajitas - I must say this is the first time in my life I have managed to finish an entire portion of fajitas, tortillas and all! My appetite is quite amazing at the moment. You'll see that in all the food I've photographed in this post. :-)

There are a lot of photos because I decided to put the two trips out together.

My brother and his fajitas - yes I ate all that!

Le Col Vert at Hédé.

A rather scruffy front garden of a cottage looking great
because of all the self seeded Hollyhocks in it!

There wasn't a lot of bird life on the lake apart from this Great White Egret
(Ardea alba) - don't think I've ever seen one this far north before!

Purple Loosestrife (Lythrum salicaria).

Spotted Longhorn Beetle (Rutpela maculata) on a bramble flower beside the lake.

Interesting green Sawfly (Rhogogaster viridis).

Thick-Legged Flower Beetle (Oedemera nobilis).

Seven-Spot Ladybird (Coccinella septempunctata).

Black-tailed Skimmer, male (Orthetrum cancellatum).

Les Onze Ecluses at Hédé-Bazouges - there are 11 locks here.

Lock Keeper's House, there seemed to be one of these houses for every couple of locks!

My brother and me.

and with Keith (aka my OH).

Another lake we walked beside and got to hear Reed Warblers here,
another species we rarely see in Brittany. We don't find many lakes
which are accessible to the public, let alone ones with reed beds.

Sunday we headed for the coast to our favourite spot at Port Mer. I've written tons about this place already as around the corner is the headland known as la Pointe du Grouin full of wildflowers where I love to go butterfly spotting! If you want to see photos from sunnier days look at the tag at the bottom of the post and that'll take you to previous posts. We were lucky as although it was quite overcast, it was warm and the sun seemed to come out when we were on the headland so there were plenty of butterflies about. But first, we ate. :-)

I had a fish and shellfish dish with choucroute underneath, a bit of an odd mix but very nice.

I was thinking of having a paddle in the sea but by the time we had finished lunch the tide was way out revealing a rather slimy green seaweedy area, also it just started to spit with rain! But by the time we'd driven the five minutes round to the headland, then spent 15 minutes trying to find somewhere to park (bloody tourists!), the sun had come out.

Up on the headland at Pointe du Grouin; lots of wildflowers here.

Saw my first Small Copper of the year!

Small Copper (Lycaena phlaeas).

There were two of these lizards beside the Semaphore Station.
I think they are Common Wall Lizards (Podarcis Muralis)
but I'm not 100% sure.

I never tire of seeing Swallowtails (Papilio machaon)! There is tons of wild fennel
growing here which is one of the host plants, although I've never
spotted one of their caterpillars on the plants.

Wild Fennel, Yarrow, Grasses and a partial view of the Semaphore Station.

I was so happy to spot my favourite and most tiny of Skippers,
the Lulworth Skipper (Thymelicus acteon). This is the male which has just
a faint hint of the markings that are prominennt on the female.

Female Lulworth Skipper (Thymelicus acteon).
These guys are tinier than Small Skippers and are oh so cute!

A view over the island (Île des Landes) which is a bird reserve.

Another view with wildflowers and rocky islets.

I'm finishing off with four photos of what I ate at our favourite all you can eat Chinese buffet. I ate four courses.... forgot about taking a photo of the first one until I'd already scoffed the prawns.... I still can't believe that I can eat this much food!!!

First course - Thai salad and prawns.

2nd course, tempura prawns, crab claws, squid rings and a spring roll.

Main course, various dishes!

And a strange mix of Chinese desserts....
I love lychees but I brought the cookie and the 'nougat'
(peanut and sesame seed chewy stuff; it's wonderful) home but ate it a few hours later!