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Tuesday, 28 April 2015

I'll be back

It's so frustrating - I have tons of photos to share, from blossoms to bugs to hairy footed flower bees, but I can't sit again, so can't get my photos processed and really need my desktop to do a post with photos anyway. So for now I'm tapping this out on my Kindle again. I have one solitary photo of pear blossom with my house in the background which I'd already processed which I can share - the rest will have to wait. 

I don't want to whinge, but suffice to say there's a game of ping pong going on with my abscesses; as one starts getting better, the other one starts getting worse! Unfortunately my stoma nurse and surgeon think the latest inflammation is not bad enough to warrant more ABs (this is the first abscess flaring up again), and would rather keep the ABs for if it gets really bad. I do understand this as I know too many ABs can lead to a resistance, but I hate being continually told that these wounds in the perineal area can take months to heal up (and basically I have to put up with it..... unless I'd like more surgery? Errrr, no thanks, and who is to say that would make it any better anyway. And no thanks to the mention of that ghastly morphine either). Also having chemo doesn't help because it lowers your resistance to infection and you don't have the full force of your white blood cells coming to the rescue to combat infection.

So for now I'm back to my daily walks around the garden for a bit of exercise - getting the timing right after taking my painkillers, but spending a lot of time in bed, having to eat lying down in bed or on the sofa, and lying on the back seat of the car to travel to the hospital. My mood isn't great either and it's getting harder and harder to be positive any more.

Chemo starts again tomorrow, and I've already dropped two kilos since the last round and it's hard to eat enough to put back the weight when I don't have much appetite, even when the nausea has passed, which takes about a week.

Hopefully the latest inflammation will pass soon and I'll be able to get my photos sorted and post properly again, but I thought I'd better explain my absence! I hope everyone else is well and enjoying spring (or autumn, depending on where you are).

Frustrated of Brittany xx



20 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. What, only one? ;-) lol, thanks Dwoman. xx

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  2. Ohhh...Mandy! I hate to hear that you are having such a difficult time. Lots of healing thoughts and energy headed your way!

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    1. Hi Kaleh - thanks very much my dear! Now you know why I've been quiet lately.

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  3. Thinking about you the other day so glad you have managed to post, think this is the hardest time for you, frustrating and fed up, what with the Chemo making you feel like crap no wonder you are a little fed up... well if it helps we are all her for you and if you did not live so far away I would have been round for a chat....
    Amanda xx

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    1. Thanks Amanda! Although there are many times I curse having such a large garden for the amount of work involved, at least because I'm pretty much house bound I have a good big area to walk around in, with various habitats, so still enjoying the nature and taking photos when I can. It's just the biggest frustration not being able to share..... but I'll get over it. Raining now so at least I've got back up photos from when the weather was nice!! :-)

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  4. I am so sorry to hear what a rotten time you are having lately. You must be so frustrated and fed up. Thinking about you and sending positive healing thoughts to you.

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    1. Thank you so much, RR. I hate whinging but having support from friends helps a lot with morale, so I guess I have to learn to let it all out sometimes - better than bottling it all up! xx

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  5. Oh crap! I'm so sorry you're having a tough time still. Wish I could wave you a magic wand. The blossom is lovely xxx

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    1. Thanks heaps CT. A magic wand is just what I need! The fruit blossom here is past its best now, but was looking like pretty confetti all over the ground the last few days. I noticed the Hawthorne is out now, and my journey to the hospital was semi enjoyable because the countryside is suddenly so green - how it's changed in just 3 weeks or so. I'm semi lying on the back seat but leaning on one elbow so I can see out as much as poss so I don't miss it. At least the journey there is all countryside, not urban. :-)

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  6. Big hugs and positive vibes from us Mandy.

    Philippa xx

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    1. Thanks so much Philippa, I appreciate those vibes! Trying to be positive and thinking that when this current chemo cycle is over, I'll only have 9 left, which is down to single figures. I was given a prescription for stronger anti nausea meds yesterday, so hope they help, as I'm wasting away by eating so little. Also got some high calorie, high protein drinks from a dietician, so hope to get some weight back on this bag of bones!! xx

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  7. Oh Mandy, I'm so sorry to hear you're still having a crap time. I was thinking as I read your post about suggesting a protein drink, then I saw your comment above. I do hope the anti nausea meds help. Sending you loads of healing vibes.xx

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    1. Hi Deb and thanks so much for your comment. Surprisingly this time I was not knocked out (sleepy) by the 2nd day of chemo like last time! Funny how so far it's affecting me differently each time. Not too much nausea yet either and I managed 3 small meals yesterday and a protein drink, which was a lot easier to take than the desserts, which are rather sickly. But it's the abscesses which are giving me the most grief...... to try to be positive here at least that is taking my mind off the chemo!!! :-) xx

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  8. Mandy.
    Have you considered organic raw cider apple vinegar ? it has a good write up as a general and specific healer...taken internally and applied topically. I have used it topically recently to good effect and am just about to order some to take regularly for better immunity etc. May be worth a try ? I hav'nt come across any contra indications yet either. Keep going ....small steps.... ginger tea is good for nausea....i have recently had surgery with a fairly lengthy rehab programme ahead.... learning to take it easy when I have to and repeatedly do nothing when I have to...frustrating ...but part of my journey at the moment...acceptance.....listen to your body....permission to just be...much love and positivity to you Suz x

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    1. Hi Suz and thanks for taking the time to comment - I really appreciate it. I'm sorry you are going through something similar with the rehab after surgery. I expected it to be tough, but really wasn't expecting the setbacks with the perineal area healing. I guess because the surgeon kept telling me I was young (53!!) that I'd heal much easier than someone much older, this being a cancer which on the whole affects older people rather than younger.

      I do have cider vinegar but not organic. I'll add some organic to the shopping list as it can't harm. I know a lot of people add it to their chickens' drinking water cos it's a natural wormer, I think! I won't put it on my abscess though - yikes, I think that might sting. Latest news is that the abscesses have joined up behind my surgical scar, so it's got worse (more painful), especially since the female nurse who came to the house yesterday prodded and poked and squeezed till I was ready to shriek in agony (the bitch!). Even codeine is not helping so much now. I'll be contacting my stoma nurse on Monday to let her know the latest about it.

      The most frustrating thing is that I'm now 2 months post op and was expecting to be halfway back to normal by now, but can still do so little! Once more thank you, and take it easy and good luck to you with your healing. Keep in touch! xx

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    2. hi again, thanks for your kind wishes in amidst your lot ! this is the 1st blog I have ever been drawn to comment on so I am more used to hoverinig on the edge ! please DO take things easy re expectations of self....I am 8 weeks post op and was previously used to managing a part time professional medical job, partime private holistic health practice and 14 raised organic beds and chickens. Supportive husband in tow (not a gardener !)and I am HAVING TO take baby steps....frustrating ....but I no longer listen to what I think I should be doing, and focus on where I am...and take gentle but solid steps forward .....and am rewarded by tiny little progress markers.... incidentally, I used the ACV that we give the girls (hens) topically , and having realised it's benefits in less than 5 days am signed up....dont consider using it neat....I used a few mls in 100-150 mls of warm water for my aplication and it worked a treat. ....maybe 30 mls ina warm bath ? xxx take each day as it comes ....just acccept the bad with the progress....I spent 2hrs on the couch sleeping off rehab exercises today...not a fraction of what I want to do or am used to doing....but I feel the benefit of rest and have learnt to give in to it as I know I will come quicker if I do, have a birthday next monday ....45...so a bit younger than you. keep going...but gently...I keep remembering the tortoise and the hare....xxx Suz

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    3. Thanks Suz - I'm rather chuffed you commented - I know it is quite daunting the first time! I've been feeling really grotty, but that's from the chemo, lots of nausea and feeling tired/sleepy. I do know what you mean about listening to your body. At least my belly wound has healed up nicely so that is something. Also the scar has smoothed out well after originally looking really lumpy and ugly, so I'm pleased about that, and I can cough now without pain. So there is some progress!

      I guess you won't be doing much veggies growing this year either - well it's not so bad to take some time off for a change. Good luck with your recuperation. :-) xx

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  9. One very perfect image Mandy.
    Just keep taking and storing the images for another day, only be selective. Only problem with that is, it takes a lot of time to sort them when you do get the chance to start. You have to be very critical and delete dozens at a time that you wouldn't normally do. Its a b...... art form all of its own and can get really tiring even when you're fit. So take it easy and shoot minimalist, you have a good eye for a shot like the one above, which will help a lot. I will shut up now as I am rambling a bit.

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    1. Hi Roy and thanks - I usually only delete the obvious blurry rubbish ones straight away, then go back a year later (a winter job) and have a serious clean out. Up until the end of last year my photos are all keyworded/tagged - especially important for the insects as I can't remember what half of them are called! The good thing about my Mac is I have oodles of space so no rush to clear out!! I could just do with stealing my OH's MacBook Air right now so I could process my photos in bed.... but that's never going to happen and we can't afford another one! Ramble away my friend. :-)

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