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Monday 11 May 2015

Latest health update and first Swallowtail

Half of me would prefer not to dwell on the horrid side of life, but I think it's a good idea to keep up with my 'journey', as one day I hope I can look back on this nightmare period and think - thank god that's over! And if my updates are at all helpful to anyone who finds themselves, or a friend or relative, in a similar position (although I truly hope not), then if there is anything helpful here then it will have been worthwhile. 

So where was I last? A couple of weeks ago one of the abscesses had got worse but it was deemed by the powers that be not bad enough to warrant taking more antibiotics. However a few days later one of the home nurses discovered that the two abscesses had joined up! Worse was to come when I suddenly started having even worse pain as a new inflammation had started up the top end of my butt crack. By this time they realised that I had one abscess that had become a tunnel behind my entire perineal surgical scar.

So (and these things always seem to happen on Fridays when my stoma nurse doesn't work, and/or it's a public holiday in France as it was that day, and other than 'Urgences' there is no-one to contact over the weekend) we called the nurse first thing last Monday to explain the new situation and she was able to see me that afternoon. She'd been in touch with my surgeon and this time they'd decided this did warrant another course of ABs, plus an urgent MRI scan to see better what was going on in there.

I had a hideous time with her as she's pretty brutal and always inflicts some pain, but this was like nothing I'd experienced before. Her view is that you've got to be cruel to be kind in order to clean it out as best you can, which aids the healing, but I could have done without her sticking tools up all the tiniest holes into the abscess. I even swore in English. Well I swear a lot better in English than in French. At the end I burst into tears, not just from the awful experience (heck, most medical people would give you a local anaesthetic for that level of pain), but mostly the absolute feeling of frustration and hopelessness, this having gone on for so long now. Mostly also because, whilst I can put up with the pain or discomfort from radiotherapy burns and from chemo because they serve a purpose, to kill off tumours and cancer cells, this serves absolutely nothing and just adds to my general misery.

I manage to get in for a scan a few days later and to my delight it was actually a CT scan which only lasted 5 mins, as they hadn't been able to fit me in for an MRI scan, which is a noisy horrible thing that goes on for about 45 mins. The doc or technician said she could see nothing out of the ordinary.

So, all was going well with my abscess seeming to dry out somewhat and the pain started reducing, when all of a sudden on Thursday evening I started having diarrhoea! This got worse, along with nausea and I even threw up which is the first time since all this started - I've not even thrown up from the chemo so far. I had 24 hours of worse nausea than I get from the chemo. A bit of research lead me to finding that it was caused by the ABs! Honestly, I know more about septic tank workings than the human body - I'm well aware that ABs can disrupt the good/bad bacteria balance in a septic tank but hadn't thought that the same thing can happen to gut flora!

My OH has scoured the supermarkets and bought some probiotic yoghurt drinks so I'll keep taking those in the hope that I can get my poor guts back to normal working order eventually. They are still gurgling like you wouldn't believe.

My biggest problem now is lack of appetite and weight loss. I lose weight with each chemo session and haven't had much appetite since it started. I am now as skinny as I was at my worst last year after I suffered sudden weight loss around May/June last year, which was the start of all my problems (including the thyroid problem). I have some high calorie, high protein drinks which will help, but I hate having no appetite as I love my food normally, but when you are feeling nauseous, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it; you just can't eat. 

I'm seeing the stoma nurse tomorrow during my chemo session (damn public hols in France in May have meant my usual Thu/Fri sessions have been brought forward), so it will be interesting to see what she says about the abscess. If it doesn't clear, then it'll be back to hospital to have my scar cut open so they can clean the area out properly, then presumably stitch me up again. Then I'll have to go through the recuperation and healing of that all over again, but I'm willing to go through this if it rids me of the sodding abscess so I can start to move forward with my life!

Still, life is not all bad, I saw my first Swallowtail of the season yesterday! And I managed to scoff home grown asparagus for dinner, no problems with lack of appetite there. :-)

Swallowtail (Papilio machaon) feeding on kale flowers.


22 comments:

  1. Awww Mandy that's definitely a post worth more than just one hug. How I feel for you, surely they can get this under control soon. Sending positive vibes....and many hugs.

    Lovely butterfly, I keep missing the dozens we have in the garden.

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    1. Thanks, hugs gratefully received! You'd think it would be easy to treat, I mean I've had cats with abscesses after being bitten by other cats, and they've healed up really quickly after an AB and a few other jabs. It may be because my resistance is low due to the chemo. I really hope I don't need more surgery. Anyway I've had a great morning in the sun and even done a little gentle gardening - can't do much as it exhausts me, but I'm now making the most of every moment when I feel OK! :-)

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  2. Gosh you are having a right all time of it, you are right, one day you will look back and see how far you have come and what a stronger person you are for it..

    How exciting to see your first Swallowtail of the year and looking good, maybe it's a sign of good things to come..
    Amanda xx

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    1. Hi Amanda - having my chemo session right now and thanks for your nice comment. Every time I see a Swallowtail now I think of my 'babies' that I raised and released last year!; Hope to see lots of their cats this year but they'll be doing it in the wild this year! Just seen stoma nurse who is happy with how the abscess is healing, so cross fingers it will heal without any further surgery. xx

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  3. Cripes lady what a horrible time. You are being so brave I really admire you and think you're more than entitled to shout swear and cry. Can you insist on a local if it needs to be cleaned out again? Absolutely LOVE the Swallowtail- I am planning a trip up to Norfolk to try and see our natives ones here some time over the next three years (when I can find the time), as have never seen a Swallowtail in the wild and would so love too. Thinking of you and sending you mucho positiveo thoughtso xxx

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    1. Thanks again CT. Just seen stoma nurse and I did put across if she was going to inflict more awful pain then I wanted a local anaesthetic! But she was gentle as it's improved so much in 8 days and she is very pleased with it. I will cross everything that it heals without any need for further surgery, but she seems happy with how it is progressing. Apparently it's not unusual to get abscesses with this kind of surgical scar. At least I can now sit in the car and enjoy seeing the countryside on the journey to the hospital!

      Hope you get your wish to see Swallowtails in the wild. There's something special about them, even though I raised loads of them last year, I still get excited seeing them! :-) xx

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  4. So sorry you are having a bad time at the moment Mandy, hoping it will get better for you soon. Lovely pic of the Swallowtail.

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    1. Just read your reply to me in last update... thanks for the heads up on Saints de Glaces, will watch out for frosts in France. Oh and courgette's I think I have gone OTT again, I have loads as I thought some were not germinating - old seed, so panicked and went to garden centre, bought a packet of seed which I now notice is actually a climbing variety! New to me so not only will I have them sprawling on the ground they can grow up anything they like, starting think a Glace may not be so bad! :-) Oh and original courgette sowing appeared day after sowing new ones.... they have a wicked sense of humour courgettes but they will not win! :-D

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    2. Hi Ian and thanks. I'm now having visions of Triffids taking over with your climbing courgettes! Never heard of them either. You will have to be brutal and compost those excess seedlings! Can't see very cold weather on the forecast and no sign of frost, so think we'll be safe planting them and things like toms.

      I'm currently looking out over a green roof here at the hospital which is covered with chive flowers looking very pretty and a number of bees flying around which is a good sight to see. :-)

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    3. The climbing courgette variety is called Shooting Star F1 hybrid, and on packet in big letters it says "worlds first climbing golden courgette" which clearly I missed, the packet says you can grow them up a trellis or pergola. I can't bring myself to compost the seedlings so that's twelve plants I have - 6 for UK 6 for France.... just like last year :-D

      That must have been nice seeing the chive flowers and the bees, hope it went well at hospital.

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    4. I really hope you have a large family in England to give those courgettes to! At least the French ones will turn to marrows during your absence. :-)

      I was in the same room at the hospital today and had a better look at the green roof and see there are low growing sedums too - thought chives alone were a bit unusual. Anyway good for them, although there are tons of flat roofs which are just plain, but it's a start. Should take my pocket camera along in case I'm on that side of the building again so I can get a photo.

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  5. I'm so sorry to hear you're still going through it Mandy. I've just read your reply to CT and I'm glad that the nurse was more gentle this time and that it's improved. I'm keeping everything crossed that it carries on that way.xx

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    1. Beautiful photo of the Swallowtail too.xx

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    2. Thanks very much Deb. I'm crossing everything too! Meantime enjoying the last few sunny days before it all turns cool again because there are more butterflies about. More pics in next post! xx

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  6. My goodness dear Lady, you don't half have to go through it.
    Your due a break soon if there is any justice. I do try and think of something lighthearted to say as sympathy isn't much help.
    An old former colleague of mine use to come up with some good old Naval sayings and this one could well apply:
    "Sympathy comes between 'Shit' and 'Syphilis' in the dictionary and it ain't much good to anybody." {:))

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    1. Thanks Roy! Being a girlie I like a bit of tea and sympathy, but laughter is by far the best medicine, so your comment gave me a good chuckle. :-)

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  7. Well I was surprised, nicely surprised to see another update from you Mandy and so I just wanted to add my best wishes for your continuing recovery without actually getting into details over what you are going through. There are plenty of your close friends who do that well and so I'll just comment on the wildlife/garden if I may.

    If ever you need a(nother) reason to get back to how things were, then your heavenly garden must be it. It really is a joy just seeing the photos here. Add in the amazing variety of wildlife it attracts and it becomes enviable to the enth! I mean, who wouldn't love to have those amazing swallowtails? Great photograph by the way. Almost tempts me to France........almost ;-)

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    1. Thanks so much, JJ. I presume you saw the previous post with the bugs and bees? I know that's much more your thing and I don't want you to ever feel that you should comment on any of my health updates, cos not everyone wants to, or knows what to say (I find that kind of thing tough myself!).

      I have some IDing to do myself from a few recent finds, I'm pretty sure one is a bug nymph I saw last year, only my poor frazzled brain has forgotten what it is at the moment! And I even managed to get down on my knees on the wet grass to shoot a pretty moth on the grass. So expect another garden and bug and butterfly post coming up soon! Cheers my dear. :-)

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  8. Yikes Mandy, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that!
    Hopefully you will turn a corner now, all fingers crossed here for you and lots of positive vibes coming your way.
    Don't really know what else to say or anything we can possibly do as we are so far away. Just wish we were nearer to give some practical help.

    Love Philippa x

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    1. Hi Philippa - spent today in bed but just taken the last antibiotic, so hope my guts will get back in order soon! K's been planting out tomatoes and some other gardening jobs. Makes me feel guilty but I think he quite enjoys it, probably better than doing the laundry and vacuuming! I just hope I can get back to doing this sort of boring stuff again soon. Thanks for the kind words. xx

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  9. What a truly awful time you are having and so very brave with it. Pleased to read that the nurse was a bit gentler this time and do hope you feel a lot better in that area now. Sending many positive thoughts in your direction.

    The Swallowtail is just so beautiful and a wonderful photo. I've never seen this species in the wild. Its probably top of the list of "want to see" just above Purple Emperor!!

    Sorry for the late comment - I seem to be getting more and more behind with blogger!

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    1. Hi RR - goodness please don't feel any obligation to comment or even read - I'm not keeping up with all your or anyone else's blog posts, though I do try to at least look at the photos! :-) Crossing fingers the abscess is really getting better this time as the pain is hugely reduced so that must mean something!

      Guess I'm lucky here with the continental Swallowtails - I find their cats easily on my dill and fennel, and have been rearing them for three years now. Having a break from it this year though! I have seen a Lesser Purple Emperor here once, but not the biggie. My faves are the tiny ones and I'd love to see some hairstreaks around here; saw a Purple Hairstreak in my veg patch last year but didn't have camera in hand, I was SO cross! :-)

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