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Sunday 19 October 2014

It's been a shitty summer

I decided it was best to explain what was going on with my health and why I won't be able to blog as often as I have been. I left my last post with an ambiguous paragraph at the end and had a message from a friend wondering what was going on. So I may as well clear the air and then get back to posting my nature photos!

One of my blogger friends (you know who you are! xx) suggested that I may feel better in myself by mentioning my problems here, and I've already opened up on facebook to a select group of friends which has made me feel a whole lot happier - as I'm a private person I don't like talking about these things but sometimes it's better out than in. 

It's hard to know where to start but I have in fact actually, unknowingly, had two things going wrong with me this summer at the same time - a total coincidence. Even the first was a shock to the system as the worst illness I can remember having was gastric flu in my early twenties, and glandular fever as a teenager; other than that sick to me means having a cold or the flu.

So I was a bit worried when I started losing weight rapidly around June. I was already on the skinny side of slim (and had been taking advantage by eating cake whenever I felt like it, as you do....) but losing half a stone (about 3.5kg/7 lbs) left me looking skeletal. During this time I started getting screwed up guts and was running to the toilet a lot. Of course I realised something was wrong so off I went to the doctor who ordered blood tests, none of which came back showing anything wrong. So he sent me off to a Gastro-enterologist who could find nothing wrong initially but suggested having a colonoscopy "because of your age" (oh, cheers) and then ordered more blood tests for things that can cause upset stomach and by this time, uncomfortable bloating. One of the tests was for thyroid function and this is the one that came back showing where the problem lay. So the colonoscopy was cancelled and I had to go back to my medecin (GP) who ordered a whole lot more blood tests related to thyroid and said to get an appointment asap with an Endocrinologist. 

I should point out that this was all happening during 'les vacances' in France, July and August, where half of France including all medical staff go on holiday, so the wheels ground very, very slowly.

Eventually I got diagnosed with Graves disease (known as Basedow on this side of the channel) which is an auto-immune disease and one of the most common causes of hyperthyroidism, which is an overactive thyroid gland. At this point I was not feeling well and was often tired and my heart was racing and beating erratically. I was still bloated and running to the toilet umpteen times a day even though I had some tablets to help with the bloating. I couldn't go out anywhere unless I knew there was a loo nearby, so going out for walks was pretty much out of the question. I did (thank god) manage a few trips to the coast this summer but only because I knew there were toilets where I was going!

So I started on my medication but was warned it wouldn't start working straight away. Eventually I started to notice an improvement; however at the same time I was feeling pretty awful because of something else which was getting worse. I thought I had a bad case of piles (haemorrhoids) brought on by the constant running to the loo for several months. This got more and more painful and I decided to go and see a Proctologist. She examined me and proclaimed there was something 'up there' she didn't like the look of and booked me in for a colonoscopy a week later. I was happy about this because I'd always felt there was something else wrong.

Here in France they give you a general anaesthetic for a colonoscopy, unlike in the UK so I wasn't bothered about that, but the 3 days of low fibre diet was bloody horrible. No fruit or veg, no milk in my coffee and basically just vile dry food like grilled chicken and dry cooked pasta or rice - any more days of that and I'd have lost the will to live! (I love my food....). Yet being France I was allowed cheese.... :-)

So I had that done on the Monday a couple of weeks ago and afterwards when I was back in my room my Proctologist came to see me, starting her words with "It's not good news. You have a tumour. I've taken a biopsy and I'm rushing it through urgently so come to see me on Thursday". 

I still wasn't too bothered because she'd already forewarned me about something 'up there'. And when I was home and googled anal tumours, all that came back was anal cancer. There don't seem to be benign tumours in that region. So at the next meeting starting again with the words "It's not good news" followed by "You have cancer" I was not surprised at all as I was expecting it.

Thankfully we are now out of the holiday period and things are working fast. I have been allocated a surgeon who will lead my team which as far as I understand includes the Proctologist and an Oncologist who I've yet to meet. The surgeon instilled tons of confidence in me and came across as someone who actually understands how the human body works, unlike some of these specialists who seem to only care about their one little speciality and seem to know nothing about anything else (or pretend to).

I had a PETscan on Thursday but I was not able to have iodine contrast die injected in me due to the thyroid condition (it took a week of emails and phone calls and yet more emails to get the ruddy Endocrinologist to respond to whether I could have this done, as nobody, neither the surgeon nor the doctor in charge of the PETscan could make this decision. Only the Endocrinologist. Eventually she said no). 

So now I await hearing back from them as to how large the tumour is, and if it has spread, but I know I'm in for about 5 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy to try to shrink the tumour as much as possible, and then surgery after that but with a break of about 8-10 weeks in between the two. Worst case is a permanent colostomy bag but I'm not worried about that one bit. Well obviously there's a worst case worse than this but I am not going there..... :-p The tumour is an adenocarcinoma which is rare in the anus so is counted as, and treated as, rectal cancer, although from my perusings of the internet I can't actually see any difference between the two.

It's going to be tough and I want to just get on with the treatment as soon as possible, obviously!

Here's a pic of me taken with OH's phone before going in to my colonoscopy (which here they call a coloscopie) - don't you just love my paper hat and slippers? I even got given paper knickers - thank god for that as I hate hospital gowns that leave your bum on display! :-)


I'm not burying my head in the sand as I see little point - I'm feeling positive - my bum hurts a lot of the time but I have loads of pain killers and sometimes sitting at my typing chair is uncomfortable so I have asked my doc for a prescription for a rubber ring type of thingy to make it more comfy to sit. And when my body say rest, I rest and read or sleep. I have put back the weight that I lost due to the thyroid condition so I am happy about that - I have never been so happy to see my love handles return and being able to pinch an inch again. I can tell you that at 53 you really don't want or need to see your hip bones protruding like I did when I was a teenager. Bring on the middle aged spread!

So hopefully I'll get a more normal post up soon, back to the bugs and critters, because on my good days I'm still getting out there with my camera and watching the wildlife. And harvesting bloody courgettes!!! :-)

21 comments:

  1. Well done you. By posting this you are also helping hundreds of others in a similar position who may not feel able to be as honest about the condition. Sending you lots of love and positive healing thoughts from Hampshire xxx
    ps- moth box out last night. So far it doesn't look like many moths, just hundreds of Caddis flies, but I am keeping fingers crossed for a Merveille Du Jour- do you get them in France? Lovely moths :o)

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    1. Thanks so much CT, I really appreciate it xx. I haven't seen a Merveille du Jour but a quick google and yes they should be flying around this country, though whether in my neighbourhood or not I don't know. I presume they are night flying despite the name? Very pretty moths. :-)

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    2. Yes, night flying, although they can be found sleeping on oaks trees by day if you're lucky. One came to see me last year, which absolutely made my whole year. This is the post if you fancy a read or a look at the pics: http://countrysidetales.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/a-merveille-du-jour-pays-us-visit-and.html

      xx

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    3. I have looked at your current post but haven't got to commenting yet - hopefully there will be some of them around here as oaks are one of the most common trees round here. Just need a moth trap but some of the bits and pieces needed for making one we were going to get in England.... hmmm will have to think about that one but fingers crossed I will get over to Blighty at some point!

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  2. Oh MMM, I am really sorry to hear that but glad to see you are approaching it with your usual good humoured pragmatism! Rather lamely sending you healing thoughts all of the way from Wiltshire and keeping my fingers crossed for as quick a recovery as possible. xxx

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    1. Bonnie!!! How lovely to hear from you - have lost touch with you in blogland so I'll have to put your new(ish/?!) blog on my blogroll and see what you are up to these days - I'm not on Ish very often and you know how rubbish facebook is so I hardly ever see your posts there - great to hear from you and thank you so much for the lovely message. xx

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  3. Hi Mandy, was thinking of you to day.. Glad you have posted even though it's a bit of a shock, positive thinking goes a long way to feeling better. I've had my thyroid removed due to it been so high ( I sadly put weight on !!!) it's now classed under active, so know how that feels.Do a little of what you love every day.. Sending hugs from Yorkshire.
    Amanda xx

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    1. Hi Amanda and thanks so much for your lovely comment. I've been feeling tired the last couple of days but that may well be the darned thyroid as I'm about due to halve my dose as I can see from my latest blood test I've now gone the other way.... I guess it takes a while to get it sorted. That was bad enough without finding out I had a tumour! But support from friends goes a huge way in cheering me up so I thank you for that. Hugs back at ya xxx :-)

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  4. Sorry to hear Mandy, fingers crossed here in Yorkshire hoping that you get better soon and your back to doing the things you really like.

    I am out to Brittany end of next week and am hoping my courgettes will have finally finished...... Please!

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    1. Hi Ian and thanks for your support, I really appreciate it. I just noticed today that my 2nd courgette plant looks like it's collapsed now too so I am really pleased about that! We just had ratatouille the other day with home grown aubergines and my neighbour's peppers and it seems quite crazy for mid October! Having courgette fritters tonight! :-) Thanks again. xx

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    2. Thanks Mandy, good news on having a collapsed courgette, here in the UK mine are now looking a bit sad. Fritters sound nice, been ages since I have done them, might have some tomorrow.
      I am on the Sunday 26th ferry out of Plymouth, so hoping this supposed hurricane will have blown out by then and it doesn't have a friend waiting to strike.

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    3. Hi Ian - It was blustery here yesterday but that's all we got - did see it was somewhat worse up in the north of the UK though! You should be OK by Sunday and the weather is still forecast to be mild. Could do with a frost just cos my kale is looking good but too many aphids and caterpillars on them at the moment! Just been out squidging, don't tell my bug loving friends. ;-)

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  5. Hi Mandy...

    I don't really have words to express how I felt having read this about your health issues-there don't seem to be any really that wouldn't sound...crass, or, erroneous...sham, not knowing you well, or personally. I do have some experience of the dreaded 'C' though and although haven't been affected personally, I have had the pleasure of a colonoscopy! In fact just this August saw me having mine (sans general anesthetic BTW).

    It's another reminder for me, should I need reminding, to treat everyone nicely as you really don't know what is happening in their lives, what they are going through. I can add to everyone else's good wishes for the very best outcome for you though Mandy and I feel that your attitude will be a god-send regards dealing with this trauma. Stay positive and draw on all the tremendous support folks have already shown you here when times get a little tough?

    Regards
    JJ.

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    1. Thank you JJ and I am sorry you had to have a colonoscopy although they seem to be done quite commonly and I've heard of lots of people who have had them done now! I am so glad I was knocked out though..... ;-)

      I have felt a bit grotty and tired the last few days - I do want to blog or post photos on facebook but it just seems like too much at the moment so I should stop worrying about it - it is lovely getting such support from friends even though so many of you are virtual - but you know, virtual friends rock! And quite often virtual friends are the best and as I live in the middle of nowhere I don't have a lot of friends, even the 'close' ones can be living an hour away, and of course family is across the channel which sucks at times like these. So I really appreciate your support. xx

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    2. Yes, you should stop worrying about stupid things like the internet Mandy ;-) Oh and...yeah-virtual friends ARE the best...real friends are a bloody pain....maybe I won't complete that saying ;-)

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    3. hahaha! Even my real friends here in Brittany were once virtual friends cos I met them all via the internet (Brittany forums). Cheers JJ. :-)

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  6. Ahhh ... Mandy! I am so bad about staying caught up with things that I totally missed this. Your amazingly positive attitude is something that we all should strive for during our own trials and tribulations. I do hope that the joy of your gardening and photography, as well as the support of virtual friends, goes a long way toward contributing to the healing process.

    Warm thoughts flying through the ether in your direction!

    I'm not sure how to reach you on Facebook ... if you don't mind, I would like to keep up with you there.

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    1. Hi Kaleh and I'm so happy to hear from you! Glad you found me on facebook as well. I have come to realise how important it is not to bottle this stuff up inside as I've had loads of support both here and on facebook and it is very cheering, as well as giving me a lot of smiles, all of which is good medicine! So you know why I have not been around on G+ much now - lack of time as much as energy - so hopefully we'll be able to keep in touch via fb now. Thanks so much for contacting me. xx

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  7. Hey there Mandy!

    Sorry to hear your bum is hurting you so much. Hopefully by now you've gotten your ring to take some of the pressure off. Even when you're writing about such an ordeal, you still make me laugh. What are the next steps?

    I just got back online after a long time, I'm gonna go look more through you blog and see if I can find some duck photos :)

    ~Rain

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    1. Hello stranger! I've wondered about you as you'd disappeared and I missed you. Hope everything is OK? I have posted a few duck photos but not many.

      Have had various scans and stuff and my radiotherapy and chemo starts next week, and I am currently enjoying a 2 week break of no medical appointments before the shit hits the fan, so to speak..... :-)

      Must do a blog update before then! :-) Thanks for commenting and I'm currently sitting on an anti-bedsore cushion - wasn't exactly what I had in mind but it's actually more comfortable than my typing chair without it. :D

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